Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Episode 10 - "Your Face Or Mine"

People pay Psychic Rebecca to paraphrase situations she saw on TV.   photo - bravotv.com

At Kim's Westlake Village estate...

KIM RICHARDS - I'm moving.


KIM RICHARDS - To Victorville. 

KYLE RICHARDS - What the fuck is in Victorville, besides poor people and dust?

KIM RICHARDS - A high-security federal penitentiary for men.

KYLE RICHARDS  - Oh god. It's that guy from Paris's premier, isn't it?

KIM RICHARDS - Yes. Yes, it is.

KYLE RICHARDS - Kim... No. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

KIM RICHARDS - What? He was just an accomplice. It's not like he actually swung the hatchet into the necks of the family of four himself.

KYLE RICHARDS - That's not even the part that bothers me.

KIM RICHARDS - Ok, good, because since when does our family give an eff about morals and shit?

KYLE RICHARDS  -  It's just... Have you seen Mauricio?

KIM RICHARDS - I try not to look directly at him. It's like staring into a hot, blazing beautiful sun ray.

KYLE RICHARDS - Right. Mama Kathy had higher hopes for us girls than... than... than that.

KIM RICHARDS - What do you mean? When I peeked out my window and saw him waiting in front of my mailbox holding a rope and duct tape, all I could think was how handsome he was.

KYLE RICHARDS  - Listen... you in danger, girl. Take a break from the Trazadone Topomaz Lexapro cocktail for a week, get a good look at his face, and report back.

KIM RICHARDS - Fine, but you're wrong about him, just like you were wrong about "Down to Earth" launching your career. He's gorge.

**A week passes, Kim calls Kyle...**

KIM RICHARDS - Muthafucking god damn. He is the ugliest person on this earth.


At Kyle Richards's Seance...

PSYCHIC REBECCA - Welcome to the seance. Adrienne, George says "hi".

ADRIENNE MALOOF - How did you know my father's name was George!!?

PSYCHIC REBECCA - I'm a psychic. Has nothing to do with George Maloof being a famous beer distributor with his own Wikipedia entry that I could just look up at my leisure.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - You are truly something.

PSYCHIC REBECCA - Thank you. Lisa, Allison wants you to know that your grandma says "sup?"


PSYCHIC REBECCA - Right, the psychic you guys used last season. Which, what the fuck. In this industry, you stay loyal.

LISA VANDERPUMP - Whoa! It's like you actually watched the show!

PSYCHIC REBECCA -  Yep. Kyle, you treat Kim like she's your daughter.

KYLE RICHARDS - Omg, how on earth did you know?

PSYCHIC REBECCA -  **taps her head**. Uh huh.  Well, this has been fun. That'll be thirty thou.

KYLE RICHARDS - **Writes check**

PSYCHIC REBECCA - Nuh uh. In cash, please. I'm going to Hyde tonight.

At Paul's office...

KIM RICHARDS - I'm here to get shit pumped into my face, even though everybody says I don't need it.

PAUL NASSIF - You don't look a day over fifty-seven.

KIM RICHARDS - I'm forty-six.

PAUL NASSIF - Fuck. Sorry. Just sit back, relax, and allow me to inject this old motor oil I jacked from the dumpter at Jiffy Lube on Sepulveda into your craggy-ass mug. **injects**

KIM RICHARDS - Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Ahh! Paul! I can't bear to see Kim in pain like this! **whispers** Harder.

KIM RICHARDS - Eeech. Ooouch. Yeow.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - OMG! Please stop, Paul! **whispers** Jab her in the temple as hard as you can, baby.

KIM RICHARDS - Fuckety fuck fuck fuck!

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Too much! Too much! I am so filled with pain empathy! **whispers** Oh, just like that. Make it hurt, daddy.

BRIGITTE DAZZA FROM MOHAMED'S PARTY - **pops in** Did somebody say "Daddy"? Aw, hell yayer.  **leaves**

KIM RICHARDS - Ay yi yi! **screams**

ADRIENNE MALOOF  - Paul! You're a maniac! A misery-inducing, sex maniac! **They do it on the operating table**

KIM RICHARDS  - **sits and watches with her face all puffy-like** Uh, hello?

PAUL NASSIF - **to Adrienne, ignores Kim** Finally! We found something to make you attracted to me!

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Don't get too excited. It won't last. **they keep "doing it"**

KIM RICHARDS - Lil' help? No? **Raids Paul's drawer, takes painkillers** I'll just see myself out.

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