Thursday, October 20, 2011

The Real World San Diego Episode 3 - "Hair-Razing Arguments And Sticky Situations"

Rorschach my heart.  photo -bravotv.com






At Priscilla's family party...

PRISCILLA'S MOM - Hermana, I missed talking about tank tops and boys with you!

PRISCILLA - Hermana? You mean "mija"?

PRISCILLA'S MOM  - Shhhhh. Sisters. **they make out**

NATE - Viva Meheeco! **takes eight shots of tequila in succession, breaks down in tears**

FRANK - Finally, somebody else is drunk crying.

NATE - Just because I'm drunk and crying doesn't mean I'm drunk crying.

ZACH - Touche.

NATE - Everybody on this show deserves a back story, no matter how ridiculous.

ASHLEY - So, what's yours?

NATE -  I never even knew my great grandfather!

SAM - Dude - nobody knows their great grandfather.

FRANK  - I did, if you consider watching him shit himself and swear at my mom "knowing".

NATE - You don't know how lucky you are!  **bawls** Muaaahhh!!!

PRISCILLA - Hey, Nate, here's some more Patron.

NATE - **forgets about great grandfather** Viva Meheeco!

PRISCILLA'S MOM - I'm only eight years older than you, you know.

NATE  - Cool. **they make out**  




At Nate's Favorite Bar & Grill...

FLEX WATCHES TREVOR - Oh, hey, stranger! You seem like the kind of guy who'd be in to reversible watches with a message!

NATE - How'd you know?

FLEX WATCHES TRAVIS - Just a hunch. Has nothing to do with all these television cameras that happen to be around as we launch a new product.

NATE - Wow! Neato! Where's Trent?  

TREVOR - On vacation. Listen, why don't you let us come to your house and we can toss a few ideas around? 

TRAVIS - It won't be weird at all. We'll just grill you about past tragedies and pretend to give a shit. 

NATE - Sounds great! I want to discuss suicide, and how we can make a blog that will save millions of lives, and people can comment on the blog....

TRAVIS - Uh huh. Uh huh. **ignores Nate, winks at the camera as he shows how the watch reverses itself.**

NATE - If only my great grandfather had had the support a blog could provide. He might still be here today.

TREVOR - **ignoring Nate** Oh yeah? Totally awesome, dude! **shoves watch in camera lens** 

NATE - Wow. You guys really care, I can tell. Feels good.

TRAVIS - We're here for ya, bro! Forever!**camera man goes on break.** Let's get the fuck out of here.

TREVOR - Seriously. This guy's weird.

 

On the porch...

FRANK - Give me a Brooklyn fade with Caesar bangs.

PRISCILLA - I don't know what that means. I'm not a real hairdresser.

FRANK - And throw in a quick chest shave while you're at it. I'm starting to scare small children.

PRISCILLA - But I dropped out of cosmetology school after a half hour.

FRANK  - Make sure it looks like Ryan Gosling after a romp in the sack.

PRISCILLA - And I once cut my dog's ear off when I tried to trim his nails.

FRANK  - And let's keep it under ten minutes. I'm meeting the guy I met at the gay bar under the Coronado bridge.

PRISCILLA - K, here goes nothing.

FRANK - Speaking of nothing, that's how much you'll be paid for your services. Don't fuck up.

**she cuts hair, fucks up**

FRANK  - **looks in mirror** WTF? I said Ryan Gosling after sex, not Ryan Gosling after nuclear fallout!

PRISCILLA - I told you I don't know what I'm doing.

FRANK  - And you didn't even apologize.

PRISCILLA - Sorry?

FRANK - And you didn't even apologize like you mean it.

BYRON - Hey, man, I think you need to chill.

FRANK - Who the fuck is this guy?

BYRON  -  I'm Byron. I've eaten most of the hot dogs in your fridge.

FRANK - I'll give you another hot dog to eat if you don't shut the fuck up!



At the therapist's office...

THERAPIST - I think you need to chill.

FRANK - That's exactly what Byron said!

THERAPIST  - Who's Byron?

FRANK  - Not sure. But he's very insightful. And I love him.




Before a romantic date at sunset...

ALEXANDRA - WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKER ARE YOU DOING.

BYRON - Having a sip of wine on the porch.

ALEXANDRA - YOU UGLY HIGH-VOICED PIECE OF DUNG. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WATCH ME UNPACK GROCERIES.

BYRON -  I don't see what the big deal is. Here... I poured you a glass.

ALEXANDRA - SHOVE IT UP YOUR WIENER HOLE. YOU ARE THE WORST BOYFRIEND AND I HATE YOU.

BYRON - Fine. I'll enjoy the wine and sunset on my own.

ALEXANDRA - YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ENGAGE ME WHEN I ACT UNREASONABLY.

BYRON - I don't feel like.

ALEXANDRA - **watches her upper hand in the relationship disintegrate** Ok. I'm sorry. I love you.

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