Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Episode 6 - "Let the Games Begin"

"I will fucking KILL. YOU." photo-bravotv.com

Dinner at the Casa De Vanderpump...

JASON, PANDORA VANDERPUMP'S FIANCE - Pandy Vandy, marry me n' stuff.


LISA VANDERPUMP - Wait... Did you just propose?

JASON - Are you deaf? Yes.

LISA VANDERPUMP - Oh, Pandora! You're going to be Mrs. Jason WhateverTheFuckHisLastNameIs.

JASON - Are you kidding? I wouldn't pass up the chance to be a Vanderpump. It sounds like a kind of sausage. Vanderpump.

KEN TODD VANDERPUMP - But traditionally the woman takes the man's name.

JASON - Did anyone ask you to speak, Rod Stewart?


JASON -  I'm so pumped to be a Vanderpump. Look at the way my lips pucker every time I say it. Vanderpump. So sexy.

PANDORA VANDERPUMP  - Jason and I made a deal. He'll take my last name, and I'll do everything he ever asks forever. 

JASON   - I even got your family crest tattooed on the space between my penis and asshole.


JASON - Yes. My taint.

LISA VANDERPUMP - Well, um... Welcome to the family?

JASON - Thanks. Now pour me some of that fuckin' rosé... "Mom."

LISA VANDERPUMP - Pandora, remember when you dated Jack Osbourne? Such a nice boy.

PANDORA VANDERPUMP - Yes. What about it?

LISA VANDERPUMP  - Oh, nothing.  **breaks down in tears**

At Dana Wilkey's Estate...

KIM RICHARDS - Hey, Pam. You got a john I can shoot up in?

DANA WILKEY - Down the hall, past the Picasso, and to the left of the $30,000 slippers that I accidentally left out. Whoopsies!

KIM RICHARDS - Thanks, yo.

KYLE RICHARDS - Kim, you need help "doing your makeup?"

KIM RICHARDS  - Oh, I'm done with that whole charade, sis. I wear my drug addiction loud n' proud.

BRANDI GLANVILLE - Then why don't you do it here in the game room?

KIM RICHARDS - I think I will, strange lady. I think I will. **shoots up in the game room, points to Brandi** Who the fuck is this chick?

KYLE RICHARDS - **giggles** Suuuuch a looooser, right???

KIM RICHARDS - **hands Taylor Armstrong a latex tourniquet** Here, tie this. Tighter!

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Ok, ok! I'm trying!

BRANDI GLANVILLE - You know, I spent a lot of time in Paris in the nineties with one finger down my throat and the other in my asshole - coke highs are better that way, bee tee dubs. Trust me.

KIM RICHARDS - Your point?

BRANDI GLANVILLE - I know drugs when I see them.

KIM RICHARDS - Color me impressed. You can read! **points to canister with "drugs" on the label**

BRANDI GLANVILLE - I think you have a problem.

KYLE RICHARDS - What?!? How dare you accuse my sister of doing drugs!

KIM RICHARDS  - Yeah! Just because someone is holding a canister of drugs and injecting said drugs into their veins, you say they have a problem? Why don't you get some shorter shorts, ho?

KYLE RICHARDS - Yeah, slut!

KIM RICHARDS - **pulls crutch out from Brandi's armpit so she falls** Hahaha! I may do drugs but at least I can stand upright.

BRANDI GLANVILLE  - You two are not very nice.

KYLE RICHARDS - Whatever. NERD! **Kim and Kyle high-five**

DANA WILKEY - As someone who desperately wants to be friends with the Richards sisters, I agree with their assessment. Hey, who wants a a pool cue made out of carrots!?

The End.

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