Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Real World San Diego Episode 1 - "First Impressions"

This is a lady with ladyparts. photo -

SAM - Sup.

ZACH - And you are... ?

SAM  - Sam.

ZACH - And you are... ?

SAM - A lesbian who looks like a dude.

ZACH - Thanks. I thought it was going to be a lot more difficult to obtain that information.

SAM  - Anytime.

ZACH - So... I'm the resident homophobe this season. Not sure I can hang with someone with such a different lifestyle.

SAM  - You like eatin' steak and pussy?

ZACH - Of course.

SAM - **slaps Zach on the back** Then we got the same lifestyle, broseph.

ZACH  - Ok. Glad that's settled.

NATE - I'm Nate. **to Sam**  How's it hangin', man?

SAM - -  If by "it" you mean my left labia, pretty low.

NATE - Point taken. Anybody got some atoms they need split?

FRANK - I split Adam an hour ago. HA!

NATE - Oh great. A gay.

FRANK - Hey, man, I bang chicks, too. Well, I would, if any of them would ever acknowledge my existence.

ALEXANDRA - Hello, I'm Alexandra. I moved from Zimbabwe over ten years ago, but still say I'm from Zimbabwe, 'cuz that's how hipsters roll.

FRANK - YES! A woman has acknowledged my existence.

ALEXANDRA - Actually, I was sort of addressing the whole group....

FRANK  - Doesn't matter. I love you.

ALEXANDRA - Sorry, I have a boyfriend. Byron.

FRANK - Homo name. Me and you. You and me.

ASHLEY - Hi, I'm Ashley. I stand in front of the window at Clark's Big and Tall in Berlin, Connecticut in my underwear.

ZACH  - Aw yeah. A white straight blonde. The two of us can be like the football player and cheerleader of our small town, who grow up to be fat and resentful, co-managing an Ace Hardware.

ASHLEY - If you can throw in five kids and eight DUIs between the two of us, I see a bright future.

ZACH - Deal.

PRISCILLA - Hey, so, I'm not 21 yet. Is that going to be a problem?

NATE - Doesn't bother me. In fact, it really irons out the details of who I'm going to sexually assault while everyone else is out at the club.

SAM - Well, now that we've all gotten to know each other, whaddya say we crack open a few brewskis and start a fire on the roof?


SAM  - Let me just rub together some faggots...


SAM - What?

FRANK  - You said faggot!

SAM - Yeah, you know, sticks you use to start a fire?

FRANK - Oh really? I'm standing here in a sweat band and a Hawaiian shirt, and suddenly you're speaking in 12th Century Old English? **starts throwing shit**

ALEXANDRA - Hey, dude, chill.

FRANK - Says the woman with a boyfriend who's been leading me on by speaking to me sometimes!!! **throws more shit**

ZACH - I knew it. I've never met a gay person, but I just knew this is how they'd behave.

ASHLEY - Yeah.

ZACH - Want to touch each other's privates on the giant chess board?

ASHLEY - Sounds good.


No comments:

Post a Comment

web statistics
Wall Street Journal