Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Episode 3 - "Gossip Girls"

In Suite M at the Sacramento Kings game...

KIM RICHARDS - One time, at a horse show, this chick showed up in Louie Vuitton, and her nipple was out, and I saw it.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - **watching the game** Uh huh.

ANGRY KINGS FAN I - I hope Mayor Kevin Johnson murders you and buries the body in a remote part of the Central Valley!!!!

KIM RICHARDS - Hey, you got a better story, asshole? Anyway, one time, I was dropping acid in Jodie Foster's basement, and I thought the ghost of my grandma was there, but it was just Lucille Ball.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - **watching the game** - Mmmmk.

ANGRY KINGS FAN II -  I hope Arnold Schwarzenegger's mistress Mildred Baena exposes a dirty story about you!!!

KIM RICHARDS - Ouch. Tough crowd. Well, how 'bout this? You know "Pete's Dragon?" One time,  I met the dragon at Woolworth's. Total douchebag.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - **watching the game** - Yuh huh. 

ANGRY KINGS FAN III - Ready for another mean Sacramento-themed comment, Maloof? I'll let you know when I think of one!

KIM RICHARDS   - What? My name is Kim Richards! And I'm from Beverly Hills! Stop being mean to me!

PAUL NASSIF - Kim, they're not yelling at you. They're yelling at my wife.

KIM RICHARDS  - **Gasps** Why?!?! She's so nice!

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Remember when I told you seven times that we might be moving the team to Anaheim?

KIM RICHARDS -  No! Why would you do that?!

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Here's a Xanax.

KIM RICHARDS - Aw, thank you. One time, on the Disney lot, I - **falls asleep**

PAUL NASSIF - Nice work. 


At Kyle Richard's charity event....

KYLE RICHARDS - **spots Brandi Glanville** Who is THAT?!

PAUL NASSIF - It's a prettier and younger woman. Do I detect hostility and jealousy?

KYLE RICHARDS  - No. I just see someone on crutches wearing a stiletto. Looks uncomfortable.

PAUL NASSIF -  I think it's hostility and jealousy.

KYLE RICHARDS - Well... it's not? 

PAUL NASSIF - Sure. I know hostility and jealousy when I see them.

LISA VANDERPUMP - And I just see someone who's befriended Cedric. You know, my former best friend who betrayed me?

PAUL NASSIF - Hostility. Jealousy.

KYLE RICHARDS - Paul, take a hike. 

PAUL NASSIF - What? What'd I do? 

LISA VANDERPUMP - You keep accusing us of being hostile and jealous of this Brandi woman. 

PAUL NASSIF - No, I don't. I just thought I saw Hostility and Jealousy Johnson at the h'orderves table. They're twins I knew back in high school. 

KYLE RICHARDS - Oh! I feel so silly!

LISA VANDERPUMP   - Me too! I should have figured that those words could pass for names in this town. Ever meet Resentment Roberts?

KYLE RICHARDS  - Nice girl.

LISA VANDERPUMP  - Sorry, Paul.  

PAUL NASSIF - Just kidding. Y'all are hostile and jealous as shit. PEACE! **leaves** 

KYLE RICHARDS - Damn that Paul Nassif! He got us again. 

LISA VANDERPUMP - He got us gooood.

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