Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Episode 3 - "Rocky Mountain Highs and Lows"

A magician does magic at a dinner party.

At Camille Grammer's Creaky Beavers Estate...


TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Who stole my make-up bag? I have very important products in there!

KIM RICHARDS - Nobody stole your makeup bag.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG -  Oh yeah? Why's Lisa wearing Orgasm blush?

LISA ARMSTRONG - Everybody wears Orgasm blush.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG  - Oh yeah? Well... Fuck you! And why does Kyle have peach-stained lips, huh?

KYLE RICHARDS - Kool-Aid.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG  - Well, fuck you, too! YOU ALL HAVE BEEN USING MY MAKE-UP I KNOW IT!!!!


ADRIENNE MALOOF - Taylor, I'm worried about you.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Don't be. I am NOT going to be the fucking crazy person here. If anybody needs me, I'll be folded up inside Kyle's suitcase.

ADRIENNE MALOOF  - Taylor, I think you're having what's called a "nervous breakdown."

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG  -  No, I'm not. I'm just really drunk.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Damn it. That's not as fun to diagnose.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Sorry. **falls asleep in her tuna tartare**

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Lil' help, over here? Anybody?




In the limo on the way to the aeropuerto...

PAUL NASSIF - Adrienne, I'm not sure we should go to the King's game.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Why not? What's the problem?

PAUL NASSIF  - The problem is that the entire city of Sacramento wants to collectively dump a Miller Lite over your head.

ADRIENNE MALOOF -  All 30,000 Sacramentans? Oh, I'm real scared.

PAUL NASSIF - Don't joke. Sacramento's the sixth-largest city in the state. And they want blood.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - What were we thinking, putting a basketball team in that city, anyway? Why not give Montpelier and Bismarke teams, too?

PAUL NASSIF  - Nice use of obscure capital cities.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Thank you.

PAUL NASSIF  - Well, we can't go anywhere until your drunk friend shows up, anyway.

ADRIENNE MALOOF  - Excuse me? Kim is not drunk. She's just been sick. **calls Kim**  Kim? It's Adrienne.

KIM RICHARDS - Hey girl haaay! Wait, who's this?

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Adrienne. You're flying in my private jet today to watch the team I own play?

KIM RICHARDS - Oh. Sorry. Frankly, I'm too fucked up to know what's going on.

PAUL NASSIF - Score one for Paul.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Kill yourself.