Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Episode 2 - "Blame it on the Altitude"

In the limo on the way to Camille Grammar's Creaky Beavers Estate...

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Ken said therapy is for weak people, and I am offended, because I am in therapy.

LISA VANDERPUMP - My husband is like a thousand years old. You actually take what he says seriously?

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG- Yes, because he is very rich.

LISA VANDERPUMP  - Well, I don't know what you want me to say... I can't apologize on his behalf.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Yes, you can.

LISA VANDERPUMP -  Ok, I'm sorry for Ken. Happy?


KIM RICHARDS - I love walking on train tracks with old stuff and talking in French with people close to you.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - How can you ladies argue while this nut job over here babbles? Doesn't it put things in perspective?

KIM RICHARDS -  Look at this bunion! Feels like its covered in hairy barnacles of joy!

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - I guess you're right. Sorry, Lisa.


KYLE RICHARDS - You guys like my traveling hat? Anybody?

In the hot tub at Camille Grammar's Creak Beavers Estate...

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - There's only so much a woman can take.

KYLE RICHARDS - Can take... Of what?  

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG -  It's just... so hard.

KYLE RICHARDS  - Hard. Ok, we're talking about something hard. Diamonds? Wooden planks?

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG -  I feel like I'm drowning!

KYLE RICHARDS -  Alright, now we're getting somewhere... Drowning, in water? Goo?

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG -  I'm so... Scared.

KYLE RICHARDS -  You're scared. Scary things... monsters? Poor people?

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG  -  Is this all worth it? I just don't know.

KYLE RICHARDS - Can you please tell me what the fuck you're talking about?

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - I'm reaching my breaking point here!

KYLE RICHARDS - I'm going to go dry out. You can keep talking in dramatic cliches, if you want.  **leaves** 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - **to herself** Shit. This is not how it happens on Lifetime.

In the Kim's guest room at Camille Grammar's Creak Beavers Estate......

KIM RICHARDS -  **shaking** I'm so sick.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - What's wrong?

KIM RICHARDS - I don't know. My head hurts. I'm shaking. I feel weak and nauseous.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG  - Oh. That's probably just withdrawals from alcoholism.

KIM RICHARDS  - What?! I'm not an alcoholic. You're nuts.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Here, drink this bottle of "Jesus Juice."

KIM RICHARDS  - Is that like Tropicana?


KIM RICHARDS - **chugs the whole bottle in one sip** Ah! Better. All it took was some good ol' Vitamin C.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Uh huh. Yeah you right. 

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