TJ LAVIN - You know that ride at Six Flags, the water one where you sit in a round yellow boat next to a forty-eight year old Guatemalan woman in a bikini top?
MIKE MIKE - Where I come from, it's an alcoholic Appalachian mechanic in cut offs.
TJ LAVIN - Same diff. Your challenge for today is to brave the rapids while Maria Menounos, hard-hitting Greek journalistic who sometimes wears glitter eye shadow, asks difficult questions.
CT - That doesn't sound so bad. I love gyros.
TJ LAVIN - I'm not done. It will actually be the forty-eight year old Guatemalan woman in a bikini top who will sit next to you and be fed the questions in an ear piece by Maria Menounos.
WES - Wow, high concept challenge.
TJ LAVIN - Aren't they all, though? Adam, have a seat in the boat next to Carmen, aka "Maria Menounos For a Day", and I'll strap you in.
ADAM - Hello, Carmen.
CARMEN - Uno momento **listens to ear piece** Ah, gracias. **To Adam** Hello.
TJ LAVIN - Ready, set, FIELD QUESTIONS!
CARMEN - **getting fed questions from Maria in ear piece** So, Adam, what was it like touching Jen's boob?
ADAM - Wonderful and gelatinous.
CARMEN - **gets splashed by wave** Huh. Bet you wished there was this kind of moisture when you hooked up.
ADAM - Huh?
CARMEN - She was blacked out and said it might have been the worst sexual experience she ever had. That's what Maria Menounos is telling me, anyway.
ADAM - TJ! I want off! These women are brutal!
TJ LAVIN - Ok, fine. That didn't last long. Nice job, Carmen.
CARMEN - Gracias.
TJ LAVIN - Jasmine, it's your turn in the hot seat, or shall I say, "wet seat".
JASMINE - Ew, it smells like a sweaty family of eight from Wisconsin died on this boat.
CARMEN - Jasmine, do you feel guilty for almost getting your partner kicked off the show?
JASMINE - We're a team. What's mine is hers.
CARMEN - Really? Well, she said not only are you not as pretty as her, but you are bad at sports.
JASMINE - What!?
CARMEN -- Yep. That's just what she said. Oop, here comes a big wave. Hold on.
JASMINE - **voluntarily jumps ship when rapid comes** Fuck that Carmen bitch.
TJ LAVIN - That's actually Maria Menounos...
JASMINE - I don't get it, but fuck her, too.
TJ LAVIN - Sarah, you can handle this, right?
SARAH - Sure, no prob. I'm a true competitor.
CARMEN - Nice tats.
SARAH - Thanks.
CARMEN - But Katelynn said they're ugly, and that when she went in for gender reassignment surgery, she specifically requested that they make her look like any woman but Sarah Rice.
SARAH - Really?
CARMEN - Yep. How does that make you feel?
SARAH - Not good.
CARMEN - Yeah, she also said she's better at puzzles than you.
SARAH - Now that's crossing the god damn line.
CARMEN - Hey, wanna get funnel cake at that stand near Batman?
SARAH - No. No I do not. **jumps off boat** You The Challenge challenge creators have really outdone yourselves with this one.
EVAN - You think that's bad? Maria Menounos-slash- forty-eight year old Guatemalan woman in a bikini top asked me what's it like to have the beefiest belly in Ontario.
KENNY - She asked me me why I smell like expired mortadella.
TYLER - Oh yeah? Bitch, er, bitches, asked me if I'd ever bare-back Johnny Bananas.
TJ LAVIN - Ok, even I agree that's not cool. Good news is, we've lost track of her and she's floating off to sea.
PAULA WALNUTS - How'd you find someone willing to ask such awful questions?
TJ LAVIN - Craigslist.
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