Monday, June 27, 2011

Keeping Up with the Kardashians Episode 3 - The Former Mrs. Jenner

KIM KARDASHIAN - Mean people on the World Wide Web are saying that my butt is fake!


KIM - Could they be right? It is rather large.

KHLOE  - There's only one way to find out.

KIM -  What's that?

KHLOE -  Let Lamar massage it for fifteen minutes. He has a knack for that sort of thing.

KIM - That'd be kind of weird.

KHLOE - Jennifer Lopez didn't seem to think so.

KIM  - Well, is there another way?

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - Kim, let's go to my Ob Gyn.  He said that he'll give me free pelvic exams whenever I'm in the mood, so I'm sure he can X-ray your ass.

KIM  - It's for a good cause, after all.


At Kourtney's doctor's office...

THE DOCTOR - Kourtney! My favorite pelvic exam patient.

KOURTNEY - Aw, I bet you say that to all the girls.

THE DOCTOR -  I do. But I only mean it with you. You've got the most fantastic pelvis this side of Sepulveda, so sturdy and wide -

KIM - **clears throat** Ahem.

THE DOCTOR - Oh. I see you've brought a guest. Hello.

KIM - I'm Kim.

KOURTNEY  - She'd like you to X-ray her ass.

THE DOCTOR - Well, I'm afraid that's outside my specialty.


THE DOCTOR -  Ok, twist my arm. I'll do it! **starts to give Kim a butt X-ray** Let's see what we've got in here... Vienna Beef sausages, an old velcro sneaker, some Brachs hard candy -

KIM - I don't even like Brachs hard candy!

THE DOCTOR - Well, it's there. I also see a Lithuanian immigrant family and the mascot of the Cincinnati Reds. Oh, and what's this - a Talmud! Kim Kardashian, rabbi in training!

KIM - I used to date Brian Greenburg. 

THE DOCTOR -  I see. Kim, you've got quite a collection in there, but one thing that is noticeably absent is silicone.

KIM  - Thank you! I've always wondered.

THE DOCTOR - Now, Kourtney, just hop up on this saddle and we'll get your pelvic examination underway.

KOURTNEY - Oh, I was just here for Kim's ass xray.

THE DOCTOR - Well, you're here, and we've got forty minutes until my next appointment... Why the hell not?

KIM  - Can I stay?

THE DOCTOR - Um... No. Hippocratic oath and all that.

KOURTNEY  - It's ok. I consent.

THE DOCTOR - I said no.


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