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| photo - bravotv.com |
At Chez Josephine...
MAGICIAN - Ah, so this is the Old Men Who Look Like Lesbians annual fundraiser, huh?
THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - No. This is Jill Zarin's 50th birthday party.
MAGICIAN - Same diff. Hey, watch as I re-form this foam sphere into the shape of a heart by squeezing the center.
THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - Nice.
MAGICIAN - There's a lot more where that came from, sweetheart. Is ok to call the grand Old Man Who Looks Like A Lesbian "sweetheart"?
THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - Excuse me? I am the Countess.
MAGICIAN - Ooooh, a royal stage name, huh? Dig it.
RAMONA SINGER - **enters with Mario** Lu Ann! I hope you can come to Avery's Sweet and Sexy Sixteen party. We're having fire-eating eunuchs.
THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - When is it, darling?
RAMONA SINGER - Saturday. From 5 pm to 5 pm. That's right. A 24 hour party.
MAGICIAN - Hey, Ramona! Here in New York it's all about BIG MONEY! **unfolds small dollar bill into giant dollar bill**
RAMONA SINGER - Uh huh. Cute.
MARIO SINGER - **taps Magician on the shoulder** I loved it, buddy. Big money, haha.
THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - Well, Victoria's party is actually a week long affair, complete with a jaunt to the Ozarks and Quiz Masters who can sew.
RAMONA SINGER - A week?! Uh, I mean, a week. Fantastic.
MAGICIAN - Hey, Ramona, check this out... I'm your twin! **bugs out his eyes while chugging from giant chalice**
RAMONA SINGER - Yeah, great.
MARIO SINGER - Dead-on, man. Dead on. **winks at magician**
THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - The first night will be at that nightclub Chris Farley went to the night he died. Very glamorous.
RAMONA SINGER - Well, I don't think night clubs are appropriate for sixteen year olds. I prefer they watch me get drunk in an inclusive setting.
THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - Interesting parenting approach.
MAGICIAN - Hey, Countess, who am I? **grabs black waitress and makes out with her** I'm your ex-husband, the Count! Because he left you for an Ethiopian princess!
THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - Good one.
MARIO SINGER - Haha, now THAT'S comedy! Move over, Rob Schneider!
THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - Let's get something straight, Ramona. My party will be better than yours, just like my daughter plays softball and wears flannel better than yours.
RAMONA SINGER - Oh yeah? Talk to me when you book the premier fake snowflake-maker in New York. Oh wait - he'll be at MY party.
MAGICIAN - Hey, ladies, I want to try some new material on you. This is on behalf of all Bravo viewers. **stabs each in the arm with a fork until they bleed**
THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - Ow.
RAMONA SINGER - That hurt.
THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - **with blood dripping down her arm** So fake snow flakes? We're having fake HAIL. Top that, motherfucka.
MARIO SINGER - **massaging Magician's shoulders** You are really something else.
MAGICIAN - Thanks. I've been at it for twenty years now.
MARIO SINGER -- "At it", eh?
MAGICIAN - Oh yeah.
MARIO SINGER - Well, I think you're wonderful. Wanna... Get outta here?
MAGICIAN - Yeah, ok. **they leave**
**Jill Zarin enters, Ramona and Lu Ann continue to bicker and bleed**
JILL ZARIN - Hello? Surprise?
RAMONA SINGER - Avery's going to arrive atop a centaur. That's right. A centaur, which don't even exist anymore.
THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - Tupac Shakur is going to rap for Victoria.
JILL ZARIN - Hello? Anybody?
THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - Huh? Oh, hey Jill.
JILL ZARIN - Ramoner, I just saw Mario in the alley with Rob Schneider. Get that guy some knee pads for Christmas, will you?
RAMONA SINGER - Cool. Avery Singer bobble head dolls, Lu Ann. You hear me? Bobble head dolls.
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