Friday, June 24, 2011

Real Housewives of New York City Episode 12 - "16 and Skip the Sweet"

photo -

At Chez Josephine...

MAGICIAN - Ah, so this is the Old Men Who Look Like Lesbians annual fundraiser, huh?

THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - No. This is Jill Zarin's 50th birthday party.

MAGICIAN - Same diff. Hey, watch as I re-form this foam sphere into the shape of a heart by squeezing the center.


MAGICIAN - There's a lot more where that came from, sweetheart. Is ok to call the grand Old Man Who Looks Like A Lesbian "sweetheart"?

THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS -  Excuse me? I am the Countess.

MAGICIAN -  Ooooh, a royal stage name, huh? Dig it.

RAMONA SINGER - **enters with Mario** Lu Ann! I hope you can come to Avery's Sweet and Sexy Sixteen party. We're having fire-eating eunuchs.

THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - When is it, darling?

RAMONA SINGER  -  Saturday. From 5 pm to 5 pm. That's right. A 24 hour party.

MAGICIAN - Hey, Ramona! Here in New York it's all about BIG MONEY! **unfolds small dollar bill into giant dollar bill**

RAMONA SINGER   -  Uh huh. Cute.

MARIO SINGER - **taps Magician on the shoulder** I loved it, buddy. Big money, haha. 

THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - Well, Victoria's party is actually a week long affair, complete with a jaunt to the Ozarks and Quiz Masters who can sew.

RAMONA SINGER  - A week?! Uh, I mean, a week. Fantastic.

MAGICIAN  - Hey, Ramona, check this out... I'm your twin! **bugs out his eyes while chugging from giant chalice**

RAMONA SINGER - Yeah, great.

MARIO SINGER -  Dead-on, man. Dead on. **winks at magician**

THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS  - The first night will be at that nightclub Chris Farley went to the night he died. Very glamorous.

RAMONA SINGER - Well, I don't think night clubs are appropriate for sixteen year olds. I prefer they watch me get drunk in an inclusive setting.

THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS  - Interesting parenting approach.

MAGICIAN - Hey, Countess, who am I? **grabs black waitress and makes out with  her** I'm your ex-husband, the Count! Because he left you for an Ethiopian princess!


MARIO SINGER - Haha, now THAT'S comedy! Move over, Rob Schneider!

THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - Let's get something straight, Ramona. My party will be better than yours, just like my daughter plays softball and wears flannel better than yours.

RAMONA SINGER  - Oh yeah? Talk to me when you book the premier fake snowflake-maker in New York. Oh wait - he'll be at MY party.

MAGICIAN  -  Hey, ladies, I want to try some new material on you. This is on behalf of all Bravo viewers. **stabs each in the arm with a fork until they bleed**


RAMONA SINGER - That hurt.

THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - **with blood dripping down her arm** So fake snow flakes? We're having fake HAIL. Top that, motherfucka.

MARIO SINGER - **massaging Magician's shoulders** You are really something else.

MAGICIAN - Thanks. I've been at it for twenty years now.

MARIO SINGER -- "At it", eh?

MAGICIAN - Oh yeah.

MARIO SINGER - Well, I think you're wonderful. Wanna... Get outta here?

MAGICIAN - Yeah, ok. **they leave**

**Jill Zarin enters, Ramona and Lu Ann continue to bicker and bleed**

JILL ZARIN - Hello? Surprise? 

RAMONA SINGER  - Avery's going to arrive atop a centaur. That's right. A centaur, which don't even exist anymore.

THE COUNTESS LU ANN DE LESSEPS - Tupac Shakur is going to rap for Victoria.

JILL ZARIN -  Hello? Anybody?


JILL ZARIN - Ramoner, I just saw Mario in the alley with Rob Schneider. Get that guy some knee pads for Christmas, will you?

RAMONA SINGER - Cool. Avery Singer bobble head dolls, Lu Ann. You hear me? Bobble head dolls.

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