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| This week, a Christian's faith is tested. photo - mtv.com |
DUSTIN ZITO - Guys, I've got the best idea for a charity! The middle school kids will give us a real funky beat, and then I'll take my clothes off and have sex with their male teacher, and then you guys will videotape it, and the proceeds will go back to the middle school kids, who are now qualified to play the background music in any Valley gay porn.
HEATHER - You're a genius, Dustin. A genius.
DUSTIN ZITO - Aw, thanks, Peanut. It's a gift.
COOKE - Really great idea, Dusty.
LEROY -Yep. Count me in if there's a female teacher.
DUSTIN ZITO - There isn't. Already checked.
NAOMI - You are so organized!
NANY - Look out, Corporate America.
MIKE MIKE - Uh, guys? Hate to be a Debbie Downer, but do we really think the school board and parents will be into this whole gay sex thing?
LEROY - This is Vegas. Crack whores have their own booth at career day.
MIKE MIKE - K, fair enough, but it's just something to think about. Maybe we shouldn't focus the whole presentation on Dustin, just in case something falls through.
DUSTIN ZITO - If it does, you can wing it as my understudy. It's as natural as sex with a woman, except it's sex with a man.
MIKE MIKE - Great. Well, we'll see what Warwick the Hard Rock Memorabilia Guy has to say.
At meeting with Warwick the Hard Rock Memorabilia Guy...
WARWICK THE HARD ROCK MEMORABILIA GUY - I love it!
DUSTIN ZITO - Sweet!
WARWICK THE HARD ROCK MEMORABILIA GUY - A truly unique and edgy idea, Dustin. You're really going places.
MIKE MIKE - **praying** Jesus, take me back to College Park, where frat boys are frat boys.
JESUS CHRIST - This is a test, Michael. You can do it.
In Cancun...
MIKE MIKE - Dustin, maybe you could consider not pouring entire bottles of Smirnoff on our friends.
DUSTIN ZITO - You're right. I should upgrade to top shelf. **pours Grey Goose on his friends**
MIKE MIKE - Hey, wanna stop threatening the cab driver with anal rape?
DUSTIN ZITO - Why? He can't understand me anyway. **to Cooke** Hey, Fat Legs! Your legs are fat!
MIKE MIKE - Dustin! Don't call our roommate fat legs!
DUSTIN ZITO - What? She's an athlete. It's a good thing. You know what? I'm getting mighty tired of your criticisms.
MIKE MIKE - Hit me, then.
DUSTIN ZITO - No, I'd rather put this giant birdcage on your head! **does it**
MIKE MIKE - Ow. I'm stuck.
LEROY - You were kinda asking for it, bro.
COOKE - No, literally asking for it.
MIKE MIKE - What!?! Are you guys crazy?
HEATHER - Don't be jealous just because your charity idea of feeding the homeless wasn't as good.
MIKE MIKE - But his charity is just gay porn!
NANY - So? Bigot.
MIKE MIKE - I'm gonna take a walk on the beach.
DUSTIN ZITO - That's so Mike Mike. Just running away.
JESUS CHRIST - Alright, Mike, so I was wrong. Maybe you can't do it. Try Buddhism or something.
MIKE MIKE - Thanks for nothing, Christ.
JESUS CHRIST - Cute Sun Drop sombrero, Nany. Is there room for two in there?
NANY - Ew, leave me alone.
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