Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Real Housewives of Miami Episode 1 - "Paradise Cost"

Cristy Rice is about two things - being an ex-wife to former NBA player Glen Rice, and wearin' lots of bracelets.

LEA BLACK - Welcome to my airplane hangar. I'd like to treat you all to a lavish meal of lettuce and some other green vegetable.


LARSA PIPPEN - Look at Career Girl over here, spouting off about vegetables.

ADRIANA DE MOURA - Oooh, somebody a little jealous?

LARSA PIPPEN - Jealous? Cleveland fans chant my husband's name at Lebron James to let him know he's second best. I don't get jealous.

ADRIANA DE MOURA  - Whatever, wannabe Juanita.

LARSA PIPPEN - Don't you ever bring up that bitch's name in my presence. Ever.

LEA BLACK -  Let's change the subject, shall we? I hung out with a lot of black people today.

ALEXIA ECHEVARRIA -  Oh yeah? Which ones?

LEA BLACK - Natalie Cole, Rick Ross, Gloria Estefan. I'm totally down.

CRISTY RICE - Me too, as you can tell from my Rolling Stones logo shirt. Rock 'n roll!

ALEXIA ECHEVARRIA  -  This has been fun, gals, but I really should be heading home. My 17 year-old son needs his Ropa Vieja cut up for him.

ADRIANA DE MOURA - Home? But we're here to party and meet men! **winks at STK chef.**

ALEXIA ECHEVARRIA - Good point. I'll stick around until he calls me to ask for help flossing.

MARYSOL PATTON- Well, I have some interesting news.

CRISTY RICE -  Philippe dumped you for a Dominican U of M student with a club foot?

MARYSOL PATTON - No. I went over to my mother's house to have my fortune told, and she turned into a Shar-Pei.

LEA BLACK - Same thing happened to my husband. Cruel world we live in.

LARSA PIPPEN - True dat. My brother took me to the shooting range, and I accidentally grazed his scrotum with a bullet. Whoopsies. Sorry, mom, no more grand kids for you.

ALEXIA ECHEVARRIA'S SON PETER - **straggles in the door, haggard and hungry** Mommy? I'm hungry. Can I have salad?

ALEXIA ECHEVARRIA -  No. You're watching your figure so you'll become an international male model.

PETER ECHEVARRIA - Feelin... So... Faint... **collapses**

ADRIANA DE MOURA - Oooooh. An unconscious 17 year-old? Me likey.

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