Friday, February 25, 2011

Jersey Shore - "Kissing Cousins"

SNOOKI - Cabbie? I'm frightened. I haven't seen a strip mall or a Buffalo Wild Wings for twenty minutes. 

DEENA - We're not going to the city, are we? I don't think I can handle another night in Newark. 

CABBIE - That's what you people consider "the city"? Silly guidettes. We're going to New York. 


CABBIE - Pace Picante commercial impressions? So 1997. Grow up.

DEENA - We were supposed to go meet greasy meatheads at Jenks tonight. 

CABBIE - So now you spend the evening in the greatest city on Earth. I fail to see the problem. 

SNOOKI - You don't understand. We're tan and like Juicy Couture. 

DEENA - We don't fit in there. The guys are all pale and wear scarves, and are looking for girls who are pale and wear scarves. 

CABBIE - Then go to the Times Square Olive Garden and check out South Street Seaport. Big whoop. 

SNOOKI - It is a big whoop. We're Meatballs. Meatballs don't leave the suburbs. 

DEENA - Except for club appearances that pay twenty grand. 

SNOOKI  - Fifty grand. You'll get there someday, Deen. 

CABBIE - So what do you want me to do, turn around? 


CABBIE - You don't even want to stop in the city for a little while? Have some dinner? Grab a drink? Mock homeless people? 

SNOOKI - Too scary. 

CABBIE - Fine, then. But you better pay me in cash for this trip. No credit cards. 

DEENA - We don't have cash. 

CABBIE - Get out.

**the cabbie kicks them out in Newark, where they still have the opportunity to eat dinner, grab a drink, and mock homeless people. The girls prove that everything you could ever want, you can find in New Jersey. The end.**

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