Sunday, February 27, 2011

Kim & Kourtney Take New York Episode 7 - "Down and Out in New York City"

KIM KARDASHIAN - Shhhh! Did you hear that?

SHENGO - Sounds like a wallaby shagging an unwilling koala.

KIM KARDASHIAN - YES! That's exactly what it sounds like!

SHENGO - If there's one thing that sparks my auditory recognition,  it's Australian animal rape.

KIM KARDASHIAN - You are an amazing human being.

SHENGO - Thank you. Oh, by the way, I'm moving back to Australia.

KIM KARDASHIAN - Your visa's expiring?

SHENGO - No. Once word gets out in Sydney that you and I hooked up, I'll be the next Eric Bana.

KIM KARDASHIAN - Oh. Anything I can do to convince you to stay?

SHENGO - Hmmm... nope. Ozzie poon's the best.

KIM KARDASHIAN - Wow, that wallaby's really going to town.

SHENGO - You know that's not really a wallaby and a koala, right?

KIM KARDASHIAN - But then why would you say -

SHENGO - It was a joke. That's your sister and Scott having sex.

KIM KARDASHIAN - WHAT?! That's disgusting!  **pushes her ear up against the door** Oh my god! I can hear everything! EWWWWW!

SHENGO - Maybe you should consider moving away from the door if you find the noise so offensive?

KIM KARDASHIAN  - He's grunting! She's panting! GROSS!

SHENGO - Want to, like, go out and do stuff? It's my last day here.

KIM KARDASHIAN - SICK! I think they're using a Slip n' Slide or something!

SHENGO - Alright, well, I'm going to leave. And head back to Australia. And probably never see you again.

KIM KARDASHIAN - WHOA! I just heard the sound of a butt plug being shoved into an anal cavity!

SHENGO - You know that sound by heart?

KIM KARDASHIAN - Duh. I used to date Ray J.

SHENGO - Wow. Maybe I should stick around.

KIM KARDASHIAN - Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. Do whatever you want. HOLY CRAP! I think there's been a butt plug malfunction!

SHENGO - Well, goodbye, Kim Kardashian. Forever. **leaves**

KIM KARDASHIAN  - **knocks on bedroom door** Are you guys ok in there? I can call an ambulance if need be.

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - **opens the bedroom door** Why are you holding a glass against the door?

KIM KARDASHIAN - I was listening to you two... doing it!

SCOTT DISICK - Doing what?

KIM KARDASHIAN - You know... sex.

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - We're parents. We don't have sex.

SCOTT DISICK - Yeah. We were slaughtering our dinner.

KIM KARDASHIAN - Is that what they're calling it nowadays?

SCOTT DISICK - If "it" is using an ax to sever a hog's head for homemade charcuterie, then yes.

KIM KARDASHIAN - Oh. Can I have some?

SCOTT DISICK - Sure. It's the freshest stuff on this floor of the Smyth Tribeca.

KIM KARDASHIAN - **grabs a piece of prosciutto di parma** Mmmmm... ain't that the truth. **spots a strange item on the floor of the bedroom** HEY! Is that a butt plug? I knew it!!!!

SCOTT DISICK - It's Mason's pacifier, you disgusting pervert.


KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - So what happened to Shengo?

KIM KARDASHIAN - He got bored watching me listening to what I thought was the making of Mason 2.0 for over a half-hour. So sue me.


KIM KARDASHIAN - I know, right? It would have never worked out.

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