On Chantal's date...
BRAD WOMACK - Wanna fuck on a piece of wood suspended above ferocious wildlife?
CHANTAL O. - Man. I should've been around for Mesnick's season. At least his fantasy dates included walls.
BRAD WOMACK - Chris Harrison would be very upset to hear you say that. He planned this.
CHANTAL - Really? I didn't realize he actually did stuff.
BRAD WOMACK - He doesn't. We just put his name on the card to make him feel included.
CHANTAL - Wow, just when I thought nothing could make me less horny than howling animals, we talk about Chris Harrison.
**there is the sound of Chris sobbing in the distance**
BRAD WOMACK - He heard that.
CHANTAL - I gotta tell ya, the distant sobbing has strangely energized my libido.
BRAD WOMACK - Piece of wood suspended above ferocious wildlife, here we come!
On Emily's date...
BRAD - Wanna fuck in a boring white room that serves as a metaphor for our relationship?
EMILY - Gee, I dunno. I want to set a good example for my daughter.
BRAD - You don't want her to be a loser who never gets laid, do you?
EMILY - Good point. Let me take out my dentures first.
On Ashley's date...
ASHLEY - Are you going to make me move to that place with bats and hipsters?
BRAD - You mean Austin? Yes.
ASHLEY - Then I'd rather spend tonight cleaning a lion's molars.
BRAD - So you're saying you won't drop everything in your life for me, while I make absolutely no compromise?
ASHLEY - Right.
**crickets**
ASHLEY - Aren't you going to ask me if I wanna fuck?
BRAD - Sorry. Independence is a huge turn-off. **flies off in a helicopter**
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