Sunday, February 13, 2011

Kim & Kourtney Take New York Episode 3 - "Sexy in the City"

Kim + Shengo = kangaroo babies.

SHENGO - G'day, mate.

KIM KARDASHIAN - Oh, Shengo. You know I don't speak Portuguese.

SHENGO - Sorry. Hello, friend.

KIM KARDASHIAN - So much better. What's the plan for today?

SHENGO - Well, since I'm your bodyguard, I figured you'd make the plans and I'd follow you around to make sure no one kills you. Because that's what bodyguards do.

KIM KARDASHIAN - Hmmmm. What if we had sex in front of cameras instead?

SHENGO - Do I still get paid?


SHENGO - Ok, then. **they start to do it**

SCOTT DISICK - **drives through the bedroom door in his new Phantom** Hey, I'm here with my boss Keith Frankel and his weird friend Gooch.

KIM KARDASHIAN - Um, excuse us?

SCOTT DISICK - Sup, Dingo.

SHENGO - Hey, man.


SCOTT DISICK - Whatevs. You know I don't pay attention to anybody, ever.

KIM KARDASHIAN - Scott, we're kind of busy here.

SCOTT DISICK - I know. That's why I brought my bosses in to watch.

KEITH FRANKEL - Being good at golf and buying fancy cars doesn't impress us much, to quote the wonderful Miss Shania Twain.

GOOCH - What really impresses us is access to Kim Kardashian's bedroom while she bumps uglies with her Australian bodyguard.

KIM KARDASHIAN - Ew, can you not say things like "bump uglies"? It's disgusting.

GOOCH - You wanna know what's disgusting? Dingo's love handles. Hit the elliptical, buddy.

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - How's it going, peeps? Wait - what the fuck is THAT?

SHENGO - I know it's kind of bent, but it's not that unidentifiable, is it?

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - No, I mean the Phantom.

SCOTT DISICK - Sounds like you already know what it is.

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - Scott, you know we can't afford that!

SCOTT DISICK - Yes, we can.

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - I know. But I'm trying out the harpy suburban wife role. Good for ratings.

KEITH FRANKEL - I like it.

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - Back off, bloaty.

KEITH FRANKEL - It's not bloat. I was born this way, in the words of the fabulous Miss Lady Gaga.

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - Seriously. Get the fuck out.


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