Monday, February 14, 2011

The Bachelor Episode 7

Britt is smart, and Brad does not like that.

BRAD WOMACK - Soooooo.... remember when I sent Alli home last week because she has little boobs and is boring?

BRITT - Sort of...

BRAD WOMACK  - Yeah. That.

BRITT - So you're sending me home because I have little boobs and I'm boring? I'm a food writer! What could possibly be more interesting than that?

BRAD WOMACK - Big boobs.

BRITT - I see. Well, I guess I'll just swim back to the yacht...

BRAD WOMACK  - Sorry, the yacht's reserved for me and that gummy old woman Shawntel and I met at the market.

BRITT - How am I supposed to get home?

BRAD WOMACK - Dunno. Peace. **swims back to the yacht**

CHANTAL O - Can we please have some kind of three-way date that reveals my lower-back tattoo?

ASHLEY H - A tramp stamp, eh? Lemme guess. Chinese characters.

CHANTAL O - That's amazing.

ASHLEY  H - Thanks, I'm quite skilled in guessing the habits of women who experienced the height of their Slutty Days in the late 90s.

MICHELLE MONEY - Ok, guess something about me.

ASHLEY H - You used to wear your hair in corn rows and still have a pair of Candees platforms in your closet.

MICHELLE MONEY - Spot on. Wow.

BRAD WOMACK - Hate to break up your reminiscing of late 90s Slutty Days, but it's time to recreate that behavior in the current time.

ASHLEY H - Swimsuit pictures?

BRAD WOMACK - Haha, I wish. Sports Illustrated took a poll of their current readership, and what they'd most like to see is you guys in Target uniforms while eating corn dogs by a baby pool.

CHANTAL O - So khakis and red polo shirts?

BRAD WOMACK - Very good. Sounds like somebody picks up her birth control prescription at the ol' Red n' White. **the women pose for the photographer**

EMILY - Whoa. I walked in to a really bad Sunday paper ad.

 BRAD WOMACK - Corn dog?

EMILY - No thanks. Too phallic. I have a daughter, you know.

BRAD WOMACK - I was trying to forget.

EMILY - Aw. You like me enough to pretend I don't have a kid?


EMILY - This is really going somewhere.

MICHELLE MONEY - Hey! What's she doing here?

BRAD WOMACK - I invited her. Because I like her more than everyone else, if that wasn't already clear. Oh, and P.S. - your limo's waiting outside.

MICHELLE MONEY - But I was planning to rub my boobies all over you in my Target uniform.

BRAD WOMACK - If I wanted that, I'd shop at Target.

MICHELLE MONEY - Damn. You are a better man than I. Goodbye, Brad.

No comments:

Post a Comment

web statistics
Wall Street Journal