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| Taylor Armstrong sad-stands in the driveway with a cake. |
JASON - Pandora Vanderpump, I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.
LISA VANDERPUMP - Omg, omg, this is the moment we've been waiting for!
JASON - And I wanted to ask, if you would...
KEN TODD VANDERPUMP - Spit it out, you filthy American!
JASON - If you would...
LISA VANDERPUMP - The suspense is worse than Mannequin!
JASON - Here goes nothing. I wanted to ask you if you'd let me try anal.
PANDORA VANDERPUMP - It would make me the happiest woman in the world.
LISA VANDERPUMP - Finally! You two have been together for four years. It's about time.
KEN TODD VANDERPUMP - Your mother and I crossed that bridge the first week we met.
CEDRIC - Your mother and I crossed that bridge the first day we met.
LISA VANDERPUMP - And it was fantastic. Why else would I let a psychologically-damaged waiter live in my house for over a year? Certainly not to help him.
KYLE RICHARDS - So, Cedric, when you're not penetrating your straight best friend, I hear you like to talk about your rough childhood.
CEDRIC - I do. What better setting than a fancy dinner party to discuss my mother getting raped and having to eat cat food to survive?
KYLE RICHARDS - True dat. I much prefer it over Taylor's whining about her marital woes. Boooooring.
RUSSELL ARMSTRONG - Taylor and I do not have marital woes. I happen to be a frigid nerd with a preference for see-through shirts, and my wife begrudgingly tolerates it.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - You left me sad-standing in the driveway holding a mini-cake. That's the very definition of marital woe.
MAURICIO UMANSKY - Actually, marital woe is defined as deep misery or distress within the institution of marriage.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Oh, you're so fuckin' perfect, aren't you?
CAMILLE GRAMMER - He's not as perfect as he seems. Interesting that public sartorial norms require you to cover the only body part that really matters.
KYLE RICHARDS - Are you saying my husband has a small penis?
CAMILLE GRAMMER - Yes.
KYLE RICHARDS - Well, it's true. But I'm more concerned with how you know that.
CAMILLE GRAMMER - A little birdie told me.
KYLE RICHARDS - Aw, I love little birds. I'm so glad we're friends now.
CAMILLE GRAMMER - Me too. I love your caftan. You always have the best caftans.
KYLE RICHARDS - And you always give the most well-intentioned gifts. How to Behave would stay in the most visible part of my book shelf, if I had a book shelf.
KIM RICHARDS - What the fuck is going on here? Why are you two being nice to each other? Two Fatburgers, please. Extra mayo.
KYLE RICHARDS - Oh, Kim. We're besties now. You never can quite keep up, can you?
KIM RICHARDS - Sadly, no. I still listen to my Thriller vinyl daily.
ADRIENNE MALOOF - Just be glad they're getting along. My son hates his father so much he's broken his nose twice.
PAUL NASSIF - Three times. But the second was an accident.
ADRIENNE MALOOF - Well, Christian claimed the second was an accident, but right before it happened I found him reading an instructional pamphlet called "How to Break Your Daddy's Nose When You Really Really Hate Him A Lot".
CAMILLE GRAMMER - He's already reading at the age of four? Adrienne, you have an amazing family. And I'm not just saying that to ingratiate myself with the richest person on the show.
NICK - Hey, it's me Nick, the tennis pro. Just stopping by to show you all my mullet wig. Isn't it hilarious? It's a fake mullet! On sale at Spencer's gifts!
CAMILLE GRAMMER - Nick, that's the funniest thing I've ever seen, next to Howard Stern's Private Parts, in which I played "Bikini Girl in Westchester". Let me greet you with a kiss on the lips.
NICK'S WIFE - Awwww.... Mash those orifices together. That's true platonic friendship right there.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Damn. I can't even get my own husband to do that to me.
RUSSELL ARMSTRONG - Sorry, babe. My lips are kinda of chapped from last night. **winks at Cedric**
LISA VANDERPUMP - This story line suddenly got a lot more interesting.
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