At the Nida/Parks residence...
PHAEDRA PARKS - Can you, maybe, like, help with the baby?
APOLLO - I would, but I can't feed him like you can, so I might as well go hang out with my friends at the OTB. Telly's Vacation is coming out of retirement.
PAUL NASSIF - Hi there, I'm Dr. Paul Nassif, resident plastic surgeon on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I actually perform a popular procedure that involves giving men milk-producing breasts.
APOLLO - Man, I could've used those when I was in jail.
PAUL NASSIF - I'll bet.
APOLLO - Speaking of bets, what do you think about Telly's Vacation?
PAUL NASSIF - I don't fucking know. But I can give you breasts, ok? Titties. Big ones, too.
PHAEDRA PARKS - See, Apollo? Now you can do everything I can do!
APOLLO - Fuck, dude, why'd you have to show up here?
PAUL NASSIF - Sorry. Gotta hustle for every dollar.
At a BBQ joint in rural Georgia...
DEREK J - Hi, I'd like some ribs.
RIB MAN - Take off your high heels first.
DEREK J - Sorry, I don't think they're your size.
KIM ZOLCIAK - Derek, stop. They kill people like you out here.
DEREK J - Black people?
KIM ZOLCIAK - No, I meant gay men who dress like women.
RIB MAN - Actually, we kill black people, too. **angrily chops meat**
KANDI BURRUSS - Let's get the fuck out of here.
On the tour bus on the way to Miami...
NENE LEAKES - Remember how we made amends and repaired our friendship?
KIM ZOLCIAK - Like it was yesterday.
NENE LEAKES - Good, cuz that's about to get shot to hell. You're a bad singer who treats your assistant like a slave.
KIM ZOLCIAK - And all you do is interview really, really famous people on a legitimate television program.
NENE LEAKES - Take that back, trash box!
KIM ZOLCIAK - No fuckin' way, competitive face!
DON JUAN - Ouch. That one was harsh.
NENE LEAKES - You know what's going to suck? Spending a free weekend at your friend's luxurious estate with you after I've insulted you to your face!
KANDI BURRUSS - Wait... we're still gonna do that? After this huge fight?
NENE LEAKES - Andy Cohen won't let us not do trips. Remember Scary Island?
KIM ZOLCIAK - And New York on RHOBH? That's when shit really goes down.
KANDI BURRUSS - Ah, ok. Got it. Hope someone brought jelly beans.
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