Sunday, January 16, 2011

Real Housewives of Atlanta Episode 14 - "Flamingo Road Block"

At the Nida/Parks residence...

PHAEDRA PARKS - Can you, maybe, like, help with the baby?

APOLLO - I would, but I can't feed him like you can, so I might as well go hang out with my friends at the OTB. Telly's Vacation is coming out of retirement.

PAUL NASSIF - Hi there, I'm Dr. Paul Nassif, resident plastic surgeon on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I actually perform a popular procedure that involves giving men milk-producing breasts.

APOLLO - Man, I could've used those when I was in jail.

PAUL NASSIF - I'll bet.

APOLLO - Speaking of bets, what do you think about Telly's Vacation?

PAUL NASSIF - I don't fucking know. But I can give you breasts, ok? Titties. Big ones, too.

PHAEDRA PARKS - See, Apollo? Now you can do everything I can do!

APOLLO - Fuck, dude, why'd you have to show up here?

PAUL NASSIF - Sorry. Gotta hustle for every dollar.

At a BBQ joint in rural Georgia...

DEREK J - Hi, I'd like some ribs.

RIB MAN - Take off your high heels first.

DEREK J - Sorry, I don't think they're your size.

KIM ZOLCIAK - Derek, stop. They kill people like you out here.

DEREK J - Black people?

KIM ZOLCIAK - No, I meant gay men who dress like women.

RIB MAN - Actually, we kill black people, too. **angrily chops meat**

KANDI BURRUSS - Let's get the fuck out of here.

On the tour bus on the way to Miami...

NENE LEAKES - Remember how we made amends and repaired our friendship?

KIM ZOLCIAK - Like it was yesterday.

NENE LEAKES - Good, cuz that's about to get shot to hell. You're a bad singer who treats your assistant like a slave.

KIM ZOLCIAK - And all you do is interview really, really famous people on a legitimate television program.

NENE LEAKES - Take that back, trash box!

KIM ZOLCIAK - No fuckin' way, competitive face!

DON JUAN - Ouch. That one was harsh.

NENE LEAKES - You know what's going to suck? Spending a free weekend at your friend's luxurious estate with you after I've insulted you to your face!

KANDI BURRUSS - Wait... we're still gonna do that? After this huge fight?

NENE LEAKES - Andy Cohen won't let us not do trips. Remember Scary Island?

KIM ZOLCIAK - And New York on RHOBH? That's when shit really goes down.

KANDI BURRUSS - Ah, ok. Got it. Hope someone brought jelly beans.

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