Friday, January 14, 2011

Jersey Shore- Episode 2- "Death of a Sweetheart"

This week’s epic battle is between Sammi “My steeze is going to be affected if I keep it up like a lovesick crackhead” Giancola and Jenni “I brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack” Farley...

SAMMI- Why does everyone hate me? I heard "I hate Sammi" is trending on Twitter, and fluctuations in my self-esteem are based solely on the internet.

JENNI- Maybe because you’re a dumb twat?

RON- Baby, forget everyone and just go on this amusement park ride with me.

SAMMI- I don’t want to go. I want to sit here with my pouty face on.

RON- But this ride is the most action I’ll get all season!

SAMMI- Sorry if I’m not down to let you ‘get it in’. In case you didn’t hear, everyone hates me and it makes my vagina sad.

RON- This is why I swoop on mamis in clubs in Miami.

SAMMI- What did you say?

RON- I said I love you more than anything. And you can trust me.

JENNI- Did I mention that you’re a dumb twat?

SNOOKI- Waaahhh! I don't even understand how you have friends.

SAMMI- I’m crying now. I hope you’re all happy.

JENNI- I am. I fuckin' hate you.

PAULY D- Yo, Ronnie, you like your women like you like your pussies- sloppy and wet.

VINNY- Your catchphrases are the Michael Scott "that’s what she saids" of 2011.


VINNY- I am so much smarter and more cultured than all of you. Must be because I'm from New York City.

RON - Even Mayor Bloomberg doesn't consider Staten Island to be New York City.

SNOOKI- This sucks. I’m going to go play Skee Ball and win a giant banana.

VINNY- You already won my giant banana. Does everyone remember that we did it and it’s the only thing keeping me relevant on this show?

DEENA- Speaking of relevance, why am I here? You already have one Snooki. Waaahhhh!!!

THE SITUATION - Yeah, but Snooki didn't get completely naked her first night. She just fell down the stairs.

SNOOKI - Gimme some credit here.  I also puked all over myself.

DEENA - Wow. I have a lot to live up to.

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