Thursday, December 9, 2010

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Episode 7 - "Charity Cases"

Cedric and Lisa mingle with commoners at the DMV. - photo

CEDRIC - Here we are at the DMV. I guess it's time to face the facts. We're becoming **gulp** Americans.

LISA VANDERPUMP - Ugh. There are so many... how do I put this... brown people here. I can't wait to get back to Beverly Hills, where everyone is normal and carries a small dog in their purse.

CEDRIC - Me too. I miss our house.


CEDRIC - Er... I meant, your house. Oh god, please don't kick me out.

KIM RICHARDS - Hey, it's me, Kim Richards, here to take an eye test. I make bad jokes about birthing young children that aren't really mine and buying chicken in bulk.

SINGLE GARY - Hey, there, pretty lady. I like those things in a woman.

KIM RICHARDS - Let's ditch this pop stand and do some coke in an alley.

SINGLE GARY - Sounds fab. But first, let me pawn my granddaughter off on this nanny-looking lady here...

KIM RICHARDS - Which one?

SINGLE GARY - Hahahaha. Good one. This looks like the beginning of a beautiful fuck-buddy-ship. **they exit**

CEDRIC - Ah, yes. The "normalcy" of Beverly Hills folk.**flexes his breasts one at a time**

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Hey, it's me, Taylor Armstrong. Figured I'd stop by on the way to my charity poker game.

LISA VANDERPUMP - Sure, why not stop in at the DMV just because you happen to be driving past it?

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Exactly! I'm still a little nervous about giving my speech, in which I'll tell victims of domestic abuse that they, too, could end up like me.

RUSSELL ARMSTRONG - An undersexed, expressionless status-seeker with meat lips?

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - No, asshole. A rich person in Beverly Hills. Jesus fuckin' Christ.

RUSSELL ARMSTRONG - Well, we'd best be going. A-listers like Kaeto Kaelin and the chick who played Jan in the Brady Bunch Movie are anxiously awaiting our arrival. **they exit**

KYLE ARMSTRONG - Hey, it's me, Kyle Richards. My vagina hurts.

MAURICIO UMANSKY - Mine too. Which line do we stand in?

LISA ARMSTRONG - I think you're mistaken... this is the DMV.

KYLE ARMSTRONG - Oh, we know that. So which line do we stand in?

CEDRIC - Let's, uh, go over here, Lisa, shall we? **pulls Lisa away from Kyle and Mauricio** Now that was weird.

PAUL NASSIF - Did somebody say weird? Because if you're talking about me and my wife and our matching sequined cowboy/cowgirl outfits, you're mistaken.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - There's nothing less weird than wearing a costume on a day other than October 31st at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

CEDRIC - You here to renew your licenses?



CEDRIC - What's so funny?

PAUL NASSIF - You think we drive? As in, drive ourselves places? In cars?

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Honey, I own The Palms. Get real. **they exit**

CAMILLE GRAMMER - Hey, it's me, Camille Grammer.

LISA VANDERPUMP - Lemme guess. You're here to laugh at the poor people waiting in line?

CAMILLE GRAMMER - Nope. It's my first day on the job. The divorce was finalized this week.

CEDRIC - Ouch.

CAMILLE GRAMMER - Yep. Look out Selma and Patty. There's a new sheriff in town. **assumes her place behind the desk**

CEDRIC - Wow, Lisa. This has been quite an interesting day at the DMV.

LISA VANDERPUMP - You know what, Cedric? I've really underestimated these poor not-white people. They seem quite fantastic, especially compared to the strange people we know.

CEDRIC - Really?

LISA VANDERPUMP - Ew, no. It was a joke. Back to the Hills, we go!

No comments:

Post a Comment

web statistics
Wall Street Journal