Thursday, November 18, 2010

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Episode 6 - "The Art of War"

Camille Grammer appears to be reading "The Art of War", but it's really just a book jacket she took off of Kelsey's copy and wrapped around "Something Borrowed" by Emily Giffin.

CAMILLE GRAMMER - I'm going to eviscerate Kyle with words. She's pernicious and Machiavellic.

NICK - Damn, girl. You verbose as shit. So, how's the "Art of War" coming along?

CAMILLE GRAMMER - This is just a book jacket. It's actually "Something Borrowed" by Emily Giffin. Don't tell the cameramen.

NICK - Well, I gotta go to an audition. I know your staff here will make you look great for Kelsey's big debut. Kiss kiss.

CAMILLE GRAMMER - They're not my staff... they're my friends.

NICK - Oh. Right. Well, bye.

CAMILLE GRAMMER - So, here we are, Makeup Artist and Hair Stylist. Among true friends. People who love and care about one another.

MAKEUP ARTIST - That's right, Camille. You are such a fantastic person. Like Jesus, but blonder.

CAMILLE GRAMMER - Awwww... This is what friendship is all about. One-sided compliments.

MAKEUP ARTIST  - It's true. Hey, I almost forgot to tell you... I moved to Silverlake, so I'm going to need to change my address for my paycheck and what not.

CAMILLE GRAMMER - Sure, just tell Nicole.

MAKEUP ARTIST - Will do. I had to move in with my sister because she's been diagnosed with Crohn's and -

CAMILLE GRAMMER - Ugh! Kyle is just such a bitch! My husband is richer than hers. Has she forgotten?

HAIR STYLIST - Yeah! You're right and she's wrong! Always! Are we getting Christmas bonuses again this year? I was hoping to buy some knew skis.

MAKEUP ARTIST - Oh, are we taking a "friend" trip to Mammoth again?

CAMILLE GRAMMER - We'll see, Makeup Artist. We'll see.

MAKEUP ARTIST - My name is Greg.

**the Beverly Hills women enter**

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Hey Camille, sorry to bust in on your prep time with your staff, but -

CAMILLE GRAMMER  - Friends. Not staff. Friends.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Ok, sorry to interrupt you and your friends that you pay, but we need to settle something.

KIM RICHARDS - Taylor said that I said that you were insecure, but it was Lisa who told Taylor that you were insecure and I simply agreed.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - You liar! I will take you out back and pull some Oklahoma on your ass, which involves making you walk the Trail of Tears in heels.

LISA VANDERPUMP - I really don't want to get involved. I'd rather sit here with a smirk and relish in the fact that I'm not involved.

CAMILLE GRAMMER -  As far as I'm concerned, everybody but Kyle is innocent in this situation.

KIM RICHARDS -  Really? Sweet!

CAMILLE GRAMMER - Because she's the prettiest and I hate her for it.

KIM RICHARDS -  Darn it.

KYLE RICHARDS - Camille, you could have long brown hair and fake eyelashes, too.

MAKEUP ARTIST - No she can't. They won't stick on her lids.

KYLE RICHARDS - Well, still... Don't be insecure, Camille..


KYLE RICHARDS  -  What word? Insecure?

CAMILLE GRAMMER  -  You bitch. You fucking bitch.

KIM RICHARDS - Kyle says that about you a lot.

KYLE RICHARDS -  Kim, wtf? You're supposed to have my back!

KIM RICHARDS  - Sorry. She called you the prettiest, and that sets off something deep within me that wants you to die.

LISA VANDERPUMP - Camille, listen to me, because I have a British accent which means I'm smart. Let's forget this nonsense and have a great weeKEND.

CAMILLE GRAMMER - What's a weeKEND? You know what? I don't even care about your pernicious London talk. This whole damn thing is pernicious.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - You don't mean that...

CAMILLE GRAMMER - I do! Its all pernicious! Now I'm going to meet up with my A-list husband Kelsey Grammer, who doesn't try to get rid of me when I go to his dressing room!

HAIR STYLIST - Tell it, Camille.**sprays her hair**  

CAMILLE GRAMMER - Cmon, Real Friends, let's go! **she leads the charge towards the door**  

MAKEUP ARTIST - **to Beverly Hills ladies** Here's my card, if any one needs makeup for any occasion, call me.

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