Monday, November 22, 2010

Real Housewives of Atlanta Episode 8 - "Is There A Doctor In The House?"

Sheree Whitfield has a house in Cuba, which is cooler than anything you'll ever have.

NENE LEAKES - Why's Sheree having a Spades party at Guantanamo Bay?

GREGG LEAKES - Damn it, NeNe, do you have to question everything? Can't you just enjoy this tropical getaway card game for what it is? This is why I want to divorce you.

NENE LEAKES  - Uh uh, honey chile now, it's me that wants to divorce you. Don't get it twisted.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - **opens the door for them** Welcome to my humble Gitmo abode.

NENE LEAKES - So why do you have a vacation home in Cuba? Better yet, how do you have a vacation home in Cuba?

GREGG LEAKES - Damn it, NeNe, stop asking questions!

SHEREE WHITFIELD  - It's ok, Gregg with two "G"s. It's just for when I want to perform an interrogation. C'mon in, everybody's here.

NENE LEAKES  - Hey, y'all! I brought my Ipod!

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Feel free to have some hor d'Ĺ“uvres before our inmate is brought in for questioning.

KANDI BURRUSS - Here's some small talk for you. 40 WEEKS! 40 WEEKS! That baby was full term!

CYNTHIA BAILEY - I knew it! Phaedra lies!

PETER THOMAS - But she didn't lie about her newborn covered in blood and guts being gross. A man can respect that kind of honesty. 

DWIGHT EUBANKS - Just popping in to say Phaedra got pregnant by her husband on their wedding night. Thank youuuu... **exits**

KANDI BURRUSS -  Damn. That was a long trip to make just for one sentence.

PETER THOMAS - It was actually two, but still.

**they all hear loud moaning**

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Don't mind that. Just another interrogation next door.  Oh, here's Dr. Tiy-E Muhammad, now.

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Hello. Even though I don't know any of you and have no way of knowing your religious affiliation, I'm going to command you to circle up and pray. 

LISA WU HARTWELL - Pray over a card game?

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Yes, ma'am. 

LISA WU HARTWELL - Do you pray before you binge drink and have premarital sex, too?

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Yes. Yes, I do.

**they pray.** 

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Now that we've got that bullshit out of the way... won't you sit in this chair, doctor? 

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Of course. Does someone need my therapeutic services?

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Nope **shines blindingly bright light on him** Nene, you're up first.

NENE LEAKES - Hello, doctor. I know you. You were on Ricki Lake once.

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD  - Yes. It's true.

NENE LEAKES - Was she still fat at that particular time?

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - I don't want to answer that.

**Sheree turns "My Own Prison" by Creed on at a deafening level.** 

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD  - Aaaaah! Ok, ok, I'll talk. She was still fat!

NENE LEAKES - Thank you. Lisa? I believe it's your turn to question the inmate.


NENE LEAKES - If you want Sheree Whitfield's thighs of steel to put you in a head lock, you've gotta undergo intense questioning. Lisa?  

LISA WU HARTWELL - Thank you, former cast mate. So, good doctor, where did you go to college?

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Eastern Illinois University and Southern Illinois University.


DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - That's it. Two fabulous Midwestern schools, Tony Romo among the distinguished alum of the former. 

NENE LEAKES - The rib guy?

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - That's Tony Roma. Those are the only schools I studied at.

**Sheree drops freezing water onto his bald spot.** 

LISA WU HARTWELL - And? Where else, doctor? Where else?

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Oh god, it burns... Ashland University!!!

LISA WU HARTWELL - And where is Ashland University's campus for doctoral students?

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD -  I plead the fifth! You can't make me talk! I have rights!

**Sheree switches the water to orange juice**.

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Ahhhh!!!! It's so acidic on my bare scalp!!! It's online, ok? It's online! But it's accredited! 

SHEREE WHITFIELD - FYI, I only date men with online degrees if they're also currently on the payroll of a National Football League team.  I believe we only have one more question. Kandi? 

KANDI BURRUSS - Hello, doctor. I've been wondering... **sings** Where do you stay when you traaaavel? Whoooooooaaaaa.... 

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Ritz-Carlton, just like all of you.

KANDI BURRUSS - **sings** Ooooooh reallllllyyyy? Whoooooaaaaa.....

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Yes, really. Why wouldn't I?

**Kim Zolciak appears in lingerie, singing her new hit single "Google Me".**

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Oh no. Oh no. This is the worst kind of torture a man could endure. What about the Geneva Convention!?!? 

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Doesn't apply to enemy combatants. And you are an enemy combatant of good taste. 

KIM ZOLCIAK - **starts to remove her lingerie** "G-O-O-G-L-E meeeeeeeeeeee.....

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Ok, ok, I stay at Sheratons.

KIM ZOLCIAK - **starts to remove her wig** Click them keys...


SHEREE WHITFIELD - I knew it. Bald and poor.

MICHAEL MOORE - **from outside, with a bullhorn** I'm here, doctor! Here to save you and offer free health insurance, because you're unemployed and all! 

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD  -  Gotta go. It's been real. **runs to Michael Moore**

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