Monday, November 29, 2010

Real Housewives of Atlanta Episode 9 - "NeNe Get Your Gun"

NeNe Leakes is much too loud for the Good Doctor's refined taste.

 At a sidewalk (actually, parking lot) cafe in a Marietta strip mall...

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - I don't think this is going to work. You're not quite womanly enough for me.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Cuz I pee standing up?

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD -  Well, that did come into play, yes.

SHEREE WHITFIELD -  Or is it because I beat bitches up with my bare fists?

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - That too. Lawrence confided in me that he's very frightened of you.

SHEREE WHITFIELD  - Or is it because I ate a 72 ounce steak on our first date?

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - No, I'd never blame a woman for that.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Good, because it was delicious.   


DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD -  Honestly, Sheree, the real problem is that you didn't use baby talk with my son when you called our house. Even though you've never met him.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Men go to jail for things like that. Just ask Dwight.

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Yeah, but you're supposed to be a nurturing soul.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - You didn't see last season, did you?

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD  - I did, but I thought the fact that professional party planner Anthony Shorter had gone into hiding in rural Alberta would have softened you.


KIM ZOLCIAK - **enters wearing pink palazzo pants** Whaddup. Is that Riesling?

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Yes, it's from the Finger Lakes, and -

KIM ZOLCIAK  - Shut it, doc. **pounds entire glass, belches** Hey, look at my daughter's abstinence ring. Sexy, right?

BRIELLE ZOLCIAK - I'm not even going to consider "doing it" until I'm 14. It's a promise I made.

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - You get one for yourself, Kim?

KIM ZOLCIAK - Hahaha. Yeah right. **leaves**

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - See? She's not a real woman, either. Too promiscuous.

NENE LEAKES - **enters waving divorce papers** Clonk. BAM! Clonk. BAM! Clonk. BAM!  **leaves**  

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Ugh, too loud. Much too loud. 

SHEREE WHITFIELD - But what she had to say was really meaningful. Profound, even.

KANDI BURRUSS - **enters, with a nude Mr. Luscious, sings** WhoooooAooooAooooo.... **tickles Mr. Luscious in his privates, he giggles** 

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Too aggressive. 

KANDI BURRUSS - **sings** WhoooooAooooAooooo....**leaves**

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - And too musical. It's why I broke things off with Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes back in 2005.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - She was dead then. 

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Even more reason to break things off. Am I right? 

PHAEDRA PARKS - **enters eating a pickle, spits the juice out on Tiy-e's plate.** That's really the only reason why I came here. And to drop off this belly band. **leaves**

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Ew. Too... everything. Now who's this headed our way?

CYNTHIA  BAILEY - **stands silently with closed mouth smile, modeling fabric.**

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Now THAT's what I like. A real woman, who likes to "work it, and be seen."

CYNTHIA  BAILEY - **continues to stands silently with closed mouth smile, modeling fabric.**

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Awwwwww yeah. 

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Damn, for an online-educated doctor, you sure got some strict ideas of what a woman should be,

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD -  I sure do. I have lots of time to think about it in my room at the Holiday Inn. Excuse me, "suite". It's a suite.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - And I got an idea that a real man needs to do.

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - What's that?

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Accept that he's balding and shave his damn head. David Caruso doesn't get work anymore for that very reason.

DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Ouch. That's cold, Sheree. Real cold. 

SHEREE WHITFIELD You know what else must be cold? Your exposed scalp. PEACE! **leaves so Tiy-e can pick up the tab for once**

1 comment:

  1. LOL - Anthony Shorter never went into hiding. He has been busy Producing TV & Film. He has also been working on his new reality show. Who Gonna Check there FACTS boo? Stop with all the lies. Shorter also just did a huge party for Dallas Austin.


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