Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Millionaire Matchmaker Episode 7 - "Opposite Don't Attract"

Leah McSweeney's got two interests - T-shirts and big wieners. Patti Stanger's challenge is to help her find the latter. 

LEAH MCSWEENEY - You got a big penis?

JORDAN OSHER - Does it look like I would have a big penis?

LEAH MCSWEENEY - Good point. Patti, what else you got for me?

PATTI STANGER - How about this ironic-mustachioed LES hipster, and his less-cute Mark Ruffalo friend?

LEAH MCSWEENEY - Do they have a big penis?

PATTI STANGER - Let's put them in a dunk tank with cold water and see.

LES HIPSTERS - Um, we just forgot that we have somewhere we need to be. **they run out the door**

WILL - **approaches** I'm willing to take the dunk tank challenge!

PATTI STANGER - That confidence right there proves that Will has the goods you're looking for.

WILL - Not only that, but I once knew a guy named Tino.

LEAH MCSWEENEY - I once knew a guy named Tino, too! Time to introduce mini-Leah to her new daddy.

PATTI STANGER - Another successful initial sexual attraction that'll surely be followed by morning-after ambivalence by Patti Stanger.

JORDAN OSHER - What about me?

PATTI STANGER - Whoops, didn't see you there. Why are you kneeling?


PATTI - Shit.

JORDAN OSHER - It happens a lot. So, when do I get to see Mila Kunis naked?

PATTI STANGER - When George Lopez starts being funny. But if you're looking for a foul-mouthed middle-aged Jewess with a raging case of IBS, look no further.

JORDAN OSHER - I'll take two out of the four.

PATTI STANGER - Meet Bernadette. Guess which two she's got?

BERNADETTE - Fuck this, I gotta go sit on the john and take a massive shit.

JORDAN OSHER - Perfect. Patti, you've done it again.

PATTI STANGER - What can I say? I can find a match for anybody, as long as their name doesn't rhyme with Tatti Banger.

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