Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Millionaire Matchmaker Episode 3 - "Brooklyn vs. Botox"

Patti Stanger introduces an innocent girl to an underworld of drugs and Sparkle tickling.

At Koi...

JASON - I've planned a great first hour of our date. We'll eat a little bit of raw fish coated in rice, and then pound some serious booze.

AMY - Eh, I'm not much of a drinker. I'm a dancer, so internal purity is pretty important to me.

JASON - That's nice. Waitress? **snaps his fingers** Two Patron shots over here.

AMY - Like I said, I don't really drink.

JASON - It's not for you. Don't worry. **downs both shots in quick succession**

BRO CHORUS - **crowd around the table** HEYYY YOOOOO!!!!

AMY - Who are these people?

JASON - Just a Bro Chorus. Meet Judah, Barry, Mark and Joshie.

AMY - Oh. Hello.


JASON - This is going reall well. On to the next portion of our date.

Outside an abandoned warehouse in Hunt's Point...

AMY - What are we doing in Hunt's Point?

JASON - Prostitutes.

AMY - Hahaha. Funny.

JASON - I'm serious. This is Sparkle. We're all going to do a triple-kiss while my boys watch.


AMY - I'm, um, not really into that sort of thing.

JASON - Fine. More Sparkle for me. **they get busy**


AMY - Enough, guys. I get it.

At the men's room at the Astoria-Ditmars Boulevard station of the N....

AMY - The men's room at the Astoria-Ditmars Boulevard station of the N?

JASON - Yep. One of my favorite things to do is herion.

AMY - Like all the others things you've dragged me to today, I'm not really into heroin.

JASON - That's fine. You can sit on that overflowing urinal and watch me and my Bro Chorus hit this shiz.

AMY - I'll stand. Thanks.

**the bros shoot up**

JUDAH - So, Amy, how are you enjoying your day?

BARRY - As a California girl, did the hustle and bustle of the big city take some getting used to?

MARK - Are you interested in modern dance? Or does traditional ballet, with its emphasis on technique, appeal to you more?


AMY - Wow. You all seem... different now. Besides Joshie, of course.

JOSHIE - **shrugs**

JUDAH - When we do heroin, we become our own people.

MARK - This cold, gray sphere is transformed to a land of rainbows and re-runs of Night Court.

AMY - That's quite a ringing endorsement. Gimme some of that shit. **shoots up, loves life**

At Patti's Office...

PATTI STANGER - I've been trying to get in touch with Amy for the last few days. I want to know how her date with Jason went.

DESTIN - Oh, didn't Andrea tell you? She's dead. Heroin overdose.

PATTI STANGER - I swear to God, Andrea is fired. This is the third time she's forgotten to leave a note this week! I missed a call from freakin' Kim Zolciak on Tuesday!

DESTIN - Yeah, she sucks. Did you want to send flowers to Amy's family or anything?

PATTI STANGER - Yeah, sure. Thanks.

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