Friday, October 8, 2010

Real Housewives of DC Finale - "Nation Building

Rep. Bennie Thompson (D-Miss.). calls Tareq and Michaele Salahi out on their stupid white privilege, demands that they be sent straight to Hades.

Outside the White House...

MICHAELE SALAHI - Hi, gorgeous! We're here for the state dinner! Mwah! 

WHITE HOUSE SECURITY - Who are you, exactly? And what's your relationship with President Obama? 

TAREQ SALAHI  - Well, I used to be the general manager of a winery that Craig Robinson, Michelle's brother, drove by once on his way to Richmond. 

WHITE HOUSE SECURITY - That's a pretty shaky connection, Tubby.

MICHAELE SALAHI - But look at us... We're white. And middle aged. And dressed in expensive brands. 

WHITE HOUSE SECURITY - GP. Good point. You may proceed. Give Joe Biden a pat on the chest for me.

At Cape Canaveral...

TAREQ SALAHI - Hi, we're trying to get on this rocket ship to the moon. 

NASA DUDE - Have you undergone all the medical tests? Tubby over there doesn't look like he'd pass any of the fitness exams. 

MICHAELE SALAHI - But we're white. And in our 40s. 

TAREQ SALAHI - And unlike Lance Bass, we're straight. 

NASA DUDE -You make a compelling argument. Go get on that rocket ship!

At the Pearly Gates...

MICHAELE SALAHI - Hi, we're trying to bypass hell and go straight to heaven. 

GOD - Yikes, I dunno, guys. You've fucked up quite a bit, according to Fox News. 

TAREQ SALAHI - But I look like Matthew Perry after he kicked his painkiller habit. You know, white, mid-40s, you recognize him from somewhere but can't quite place him... 

GOD - Haha, I do love that guy. Could I BE anymore addicted to vicodin? 

TAREQ SALAHI - Good one, God. 

GOD - Thanks, Tubby. Alright, go on in. 


GOD - What's the big idea? 

REP. BENNIE THOMPSON (D-MISS.)  - I'm Rep. Bennie Thompson (D-Miss.). And I'm here to tell you that the Salahis should go to Hell. Literally. 

TAREQ SALAHI - Are you really gonna listen to this guy, God? 

GOD - Let's hear him out. I like what he's done for the Katrina peeps. 

REP. BENNIE THOMPSON (D-MISS.) - 'ppreciate that, God. Ok. These two pieces of shit have gotten away with the biggest scams in history, just because they're white, middle age, and wear second-hand Armani. 

TAREQ SALAHI - Sure, it's second-hand, if Giorgio giving it to you off of his own back is second-hand. 

REP. BENNIE THOMPSON (D-MISS.) - Fuck you. God, do you think people would give a grifter black couple the benefit of the doubt? 

GOD - You're right, Rep. Bennie Thompson (D-Miss.). To Hell you go, Salahis. 


The Salahis are stuck shoveling baby poop for eternity in Hell, Michigan while Karl Rove raps constantly in their ears and Linda Tripp walks around naked.

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