Monday, October 11, 2010

Keeping up with the Kardashians - Kris "The Cougar" Jenner

Kris Jenner's unique style has gay personal trainers from West Hollywood to Laguna making mental nostalgia porn.

Outside the Jenner residence, Storm the Personal Trainer stretches out Kris...

STORM - Ok, baby, stretch those legs over your head... Wowweee.


STORM - You can do it, sweet stuff. **runs his hands along Kris's nether regions**  Huh. You're not packing much in these biker shorts, eh?

KRIS JENNER - Excuse me. Only my husband Bruce Jenner can touch me there.

STORM - Husband?

KRIS JENNER - Yes. I know he looks like a 68 year-old lesbian, but he's all male, when you forget about the impotence, the shaved legs, and the squeaky high voice.

STORM - Wait... You're not Ryder Strong, who played Shawn on the ABC coming-of-age sitcom Boy Meets World?

KRIS JENNER -  No, I'm Kris Jenner.

STORM - Kris... So you're a dude. Phew.

KRIS JENNER -No, I'm a woman.

STORM - Shit, why does this keep happening to me?


STORM - I offer personal training sessions to twinks, thinking it'll lead to an evening of wine coolers and twister...

KRIS JENNER - What's a twink?

STORM - Look it up on wikipedia. Anyway, I have an affection for a certain type of twink because they remind me of the Tiger Beat pre-teen heartthrobs of my youth. Once I hit on KD lang, thinking she was Brad Renfro...

KRIS JENNER - Well, remember what I told you about Bruce? Shaved legs, squeaky voice... impotence?

STORM - Of course.

KRIS JENNER - Let's just say I can be whatever you want me to be, if I can get a break from THAT guy.

STORM - Put on this denim vest, and we'll be in business.

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