Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Real Housewives of Atlanta Episode 2 - "Model Behavior"

Ex-"supermodel" and Ex-fiancée Cynthia Bailey is boring as shit.

At Atlanta's Uptown Supper Club...

CYNTHIA BAILEY - Bravo's forcing me to come over and talk to you, weird red-haired person. I'm Cynthia Bailey, former supermodel and ex-fiancée three time over. And you are... ?

KANDI BURRUSS - Kandi Burruss.

CYNTHIA BAILEY - Ah. You must have never been a supermodel or a fiancée, or I would have heard of you. I'm pretty active in the modeling and fiancée industries.

KANDI BURRUSS - Well, I did write and produce the hit songs "No Scrubs" and "Bills Bills Bills."

CYNTHIA BAILEY - Sorry. I'm only familiar with modeling songs, like "I'm Too Sexy".

KANDI BURRUSS - Oh. That's a good jam, I guess.

CYNTHIA BAILEY - And engagement songs, like "Wifey."

KANDI BURRUSS - Wow. Great taste. Um... Maybe this will interest you - I'm working with Ne-Yo on a new album!

CYNTHIA BAILEY - Has he ever modeled?

KANDI BURRUSS - Not that I know of...

CYNTHIA BAILEY -  Has he ever been engaged to me?

KANDI BURRUSS -  You could probably answer that question better than -

CYNTHIA BAILEY -  Then I can't comment on it. Next!

KANDI BURRUSS -  Hmmm... maybe you can relate to this. I had a fiance once.

CYNTHIA BAILEY - Ok, getting warmer, tell me more...

KANDI BURRUSS - But he got shot in the face.

CYNTHIA BAILEY - Did anybody take a picture of it?

KANDI BURRUSS - Sure, the coroner.

CYNTHIA BAILEY - But was it published?


CYNTHIA BAILEY - Yeah, no. Can't relate.

KANDI BURRUSS - I know! We both have daughters. Let's talk about your daughter!

CYNTHIA BAILEY - Eh, she doesn't really fit into my interests.

KANDI BURRUSS - Which is modeling and engagements.


**Nene Leaks enters after guzzling three bottles of Two-Buck Chuck Sauvignon Blanc in the back room**

NENE LEAKES - Kandi, what the fuck are you talking to this boring 'ho for?

CYNTHIA BAILEY -  **muttering to herself** Rings, cameras, rings, cameras...

KANDI BURRUSS - Andy Cohen's making me do it. It's painful. Like, it hurts.

NENE LEAKES - Well fuck her, then. Let's pound some rosé and make fun of Dwight's bulge.

KANDI BURRUSS - What do I do with her? I think she's in a trance.

CYNTHIA BAILEY -  **still muttering to herself** Say "cheese", say "I do", say "cheese"...

NENE LEAKES -  **punches Cynthia in the neck** Take a picture of THAT, bitch.

KANDI BURRUSS -  You forgot to make a joke about engagements.

NENE LEAKES - Oh. Um... Nobody's gonna wanna put a ring on a broken NECK, bitch!

KANDI BURRUSS - Not bad. I've heard better, but not bad.

NENE LEAKES - I do what I can.

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