Friday, October 15, 2010

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Episode 1 - "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Wealthiness"

Kim Richards hasn't changed a bit since her days as a Disney Kid. Not one bit.

KIM RICHARDS - Kyle, you gotta take me to Sackymendo with you and your friends!

KYLE RICHARDS - It's Sacramento, Kimmy.

KIM RICHARDS - Saca... Sacra... mento! 

KYLE RICHARDS - Good girl. Sweetie, I'd rather not take you on such a long trip. You get so cranky if you spend too much time away from your binky. 

KIM RICHARDS - But Mom said! 

KYLE RICHARDS -That bitch, talkin' shit on her deathbed. 

KIM RICHARDS - Awww... you swore. 

KYLE RICHARDS - I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. You can come. 

KIM RICHARDS - Yaaay! Kimmy go everywhere with big sister Kyle! 

KYLE RICHARDS - For the millionth time, you're older than me. You're 46. 

KIM RICHARDS - Nuh uh. Kimmy's seven. 

CAMILLE GRAMMER - Hey, girls. Kelsey let me out for the day, so I'm ready to par-tay! **does a series of body rolls**  Dancin'! 

LISA VANDERPUMP - Joan Collins lent me her body for the weekend, so I, too, am ready to par-tay. OH! Who is that wretched child? It's not coming with us, is it? 

KYLE RICHARDS - This is my sister, Kim. She's actually 46, but hasn't matured since her traumatic experience as a child star. 

KIM RICHARDS - AHHH! Craft services! Math tutors! Bearded director! Make it all go AWAY! 

CAMILLE GRAMMER - Whoa. Kid is fucked up. **body rolls** Side to side, side to side. 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - So she stays young forever?  

KIM RICHARDS - **picks wax out of her, eats it** 


TAYLOR ARMSTRONG -  **whispers to Kim** Stay the hell away from my husband, you little bitch. 


KIM RICHARDS - Who is that cat lady, Kyle? 

KYLE RICHARDS - This is Adrienne Maloof, owner of the Sacramento Kings and the Palms Casino. 

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Meow. **clears throat** Sorry, I meant, hello. Sometimes I slip back into felineness without even knowing it. So nice to meet you. 

LISA VANDERPUMP - Kyle, did your sister just pick at her camel toe, here in broad daylight? 

KYLE RICHARDS - I'm afraid so. Like I said... she's still a child at heart. 

ADRIENNE MALOOF - Fuck the Disney empire and what it does to innocent babes. Same thing happened to Jodie Foster. I had lunch with her and her partner last week, and she threw a fork at the waiter. 

KIM RICHARDS - Jodie stole my lolly! I hate that mean boy! 

KYLE RICHARDS - Jesus. This is gonna be a long season.

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