Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Real Housewives of Atlanta Episode 2 - "White Hot"

Sheree Whitfield allows her grown daughter to come out of hiding after keeping her in an underground bunker in Valdosta for 23 years.

In the yard of Sheree's daughter's new house...

TIERRA - You finally decided to let me be on the show!

SHEREE WHITFIELD - I've kept you a secret long enough.

TIERRA - You shouldn't be embarrassed that you were a teen mom.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - That's not it... I kept you a secret because your name is Spanish for "dirt".

TIERRA - I always thought it meant "crown."

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Me too. And that's really the worst thing about being a teen mom - picking stupid-ass names for your kids.

TIERRA - Tripp Palin would agree.


TIERRA - Hey, who's that tall lady hiding in the bushes? Sounds like she's struggling to breathe.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Oh, that's just Dwight. He's been following me around town all week, thinking I wouldn't notice.

DWIGHT - **brushes dirt off of his suit** You knew I was here?

SHEREE WHITFIELD - You're not the most inconspicuous dude in Atlanta.

DWIGHT - I'm following you because you owe me money.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - I don't owe you shit.

DWIGHT - I beg to differ. I lost a finger on the set of the She by Sheree fashion show. A hungry model bit it off when I scolded her for walking too fast.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Hazard of the job. Everyone knows severed fingers are a dime of dozen at fashion shows. That's why they call them "Poultry Processing Plants, But With Hot Chicks."

DWIGHT - No, they don't.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Well, they should.

DWIGHT - The doctors, thank god,  were able to sew part of my finger back on, but I'm never going to regain the prostate massaging abilities I once had.

TIERRA - What's a prostrate massage?

SHEREE WHITFIELD - You don't want to know.

DWIGHT - Homophobe! You owe me for lost wages, Sheree. This finger got me into the finest nightclubs in Midtown.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - Use your left one.

DWIGHT - It's not the same, and you know it. I'm a righty!

TIERRA - I'm a righty, but sometimes my left hand is better for acts of a sexual nature. Try it out.

DWIGHT - Who the hell is this, Sheree? Is she in any way related to Pookie Nem?

SHEREE WHITFIELD - That's my daughter, Tierra.

DWIGHT - Have you been keeping her a secret? Because her name's Spanish for "dirt"? Pobrecita.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - No... I'm embarrassed because I was a teen mom.

TIERRA - You lied!


DWIGHT - Um, hello? I'm still here. And I'm still fingerless, and I'm still dealing with the loss of my sexual marketability.

SHEREE WHITFIELD - What do you say I buy you a nostril expander and we call it a day?

DWIGHT - That'll work.

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