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| Bryce Gruber's "likes" include Vajazzling and spontaneously turning into ice. And that's about it. image - theluxuryspot.com |
PATTI STANGER - Ok, Bryce, before we find your perfect match, let's go over your dislikes. You Manhattan bitches got a lot of those.
BRYCE GRUBER - Smiles, mid-rise buildings, anyone from Staten Island, even Wu-Tang Clan, men, flavored water, loud birds, rare books, diners, Indian people, harmonicas, women with curly hair -
PATTI STANGER - Amen to that one.
BRYCE GRUBER - I'm not done. Sing-a-longs, when people say "satchels", jump ropes, sex, Danny Aiello, hybrids, wine, photographs, revolving doors... Um...
PATTI STANGER - Is that it?
BRYCE GRUBER - And jorts. That's about it.
PATTI STANGER - Wow. Alright. So what are your "likes"?
BRYCE GRUBER - I don't really have any of those.
PATTI STANGER - C'mon, everybody likes something. Even Destin over there.
DESTIN - I like Geddy Lee, lead singer of Rush. He sounds like a lady.
PATTI STANGER - See? Now it's your turn.
BRYCE GRUBER - Um... I like matzo balls.
PATTI STANGER - Great!
BRYCE GRUBER - But only the kind my bubbie makes.
PATTI STANGER - Bubbie balls. Ok, we can do with Bubbie balls. Keith here loves bubbie balls.
KEITH - It's true. I do. I also like libraries, children, the quadratic equation, boats, and Geddy Lee, the lead singer of Rush.
DESTIN - High five, my man!
PATTI STANGER - Alright, let's get you two on a date! No smushing right out the gate. Hehe. That rhymes.
BRYCE GRUBER - I'm sure that won't be a problem.
KEITH - Well, Bryce, here we are at the Roosevelt Island Tramway. I thought it might be romantic, cuz it's where a buncha people almost died in Spider-Man.
PATTI STANGER - Great choice. Dangerous, yet inexpensive.
KEITH - Uh, are you gonna be here the whole time?
PATTI STANGER - You betcha.
KEITH - So... Tell me a bit about yourself.
BRYCE GRUBER - I like matzo balls.
KEITH - Oh, me too. Especially the really heavy kind that sink right to the bottom of your soup. Reminds me of my toilet bowl after Shake Shack.
PATTI STANGER - Hahaha! You are a keeper, Keith!
BRYCE GRUBER - Ew. Ew. Ew.
KEITH - Sorry. It was just a little joke.
BRYCE GRUBER - Oh shit. It's happening.
KEITH - You just ate Shake Shack, too?
BRYCE GRUBER - No, it's my curse. And not the feminine kind. Oh god.
KEITH - What's wrong? Will wine help?
BRYCE GRUBER - No.
KEITH - Sweet. More for me then. **gulps down the entire glass**
PATTI STANGER - Bryce, why are you shaking?
KEITH - I think she's turning to ice!
BRYCE GRUBER - Guernal. Hmmmph.
PATTI STANGER - She can't talk! Her mouth is frozen shut!
KEITH - Quite a departure from her usual cheery and talkative self.
PATTI STANGER - Wait... Keith, do you see what I see?
KEITH - I don't believe it. She's turned into frozen Ted Williams!
PATTI STANGER - This really ups her dateability. Guys would kill for a girl who turns into frozen Ted Williams.
KEITH - I'd prefer a lukewarm Derek Jeter, but whatevs. She's definitely a lot more attractive to me now. Hey Bryce, want to take paddle boats out on the East River?
BRYCE GRUBER - **silence. because she's, you know, frozen**
KEITH - I'll take that as a yes!
PATTI STANGER - Another great match made by Patti Stanger. I'm gonna go call Andy.
KEITH - Ted, would you like a shoulder rub?
PATTI STANGER - **pretends to talk on her cell, but no one is actually on the line.** Oh, baby. I miss you, too.
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