Monday, October 25, 2010

Keeping Up with the Kardashians Finale - "The Kardashians Take NYC"

Bruce Jenner escapes Kris Jenner's clutches to explore sensuality and pleasure.

ROB KARDASHIAN -  Bruce, your woman's out of town, the night is young, the moon is full... 

BRUCE JENNER - Gee, I don't know, Rob. I'm not really the clubbing type. 

ROB KARDASHIAN - C'mon. I'll buy you two strawberry daiquiris. 

BRUCE JENNER - Let's fuckin' party.

At "the club"....

ROB KARDASHIAN - So, Bruce, I know a lot's changed since the Sixties, but stick with me, "Young Slay", and you'll be ok.

 **no answer from Bruce** 

ROB KARDASHIAN - Bruce? Where'd you go? **Turns around to see Bruce triple-kissing two fly bitches**  Damn it, Bruce! Stop that! You're married to my mom! 

BRUCE JENNER - That bitch. She's what's made me such an inhibited stick in the mud. "Bruce, don't wear a bib unless you're at a seafood restaurant. Bruce, stop touching yourself in public." 

ROB KARDASHIAN - Ok, well, stop wandering off. 

BRUCE JENNER - **puts the straws to two daiquiris in his mouth, drinks them both in one long sip.** Oh yeah, baby. Reminds me of Acapulco in '79. I poured frozen margaritas over the bare breasts of two senoritas bonitas - 

ROB KARDASHIAN - Ew! Bruce, just sit quietly on this bench. 

BRUCE JENNER - Fine. **starts flashing gang signs at three known Crips.** 

ROB KARDASHIAN - Ahhhh! Don't do that! How do you even know those? 

BRUCE JENNER - None of your beeswax, Young Slay. 

CRIP - **walks over to Bruce** Hey, it's Mr. Olympic! 

OTHER CRIP - Whaddup, Mr. Olympic? 

ROB KARDASHIAN - Clever nickname. 

BRUCE JENNER - Hey, muthafuckers. Just partying my sweet ass off. Young Slay, get these two gentlemen some daiquiris. 

ROB KARDASHIAN - I'm out of cash. 

BRUCE JENNER - Just tell the bartenders they can sleep with one of your sisters. That's what I do when I'm low on green. 

ROB KARDASHIAN  - Ok. Just sit right here, Bruce. Don't move a muscle. 

BRUCE JENNER - Later, alligator.

**When rob comes back with the daiquiris, Bruce is gone.**   

ROB KARDASHIAN  -Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy????

**Rob wanders the city until noon the next day. He finds Bruce at a barbecue in Watts, eating ribs and C-walking with his Crip friends. 

ROB KARDASHIAN  - Bruce! I've been searching for you all night! 

BRUCE JENNER - Don't you know the old saying? If someone's missing, the first place you look is a barbecue in Watts. 

ROB KARDASHIAN  - No. I never heard that. 

BRUCE JENNER - Well, its fuckin' true. Come have some ribs. 

ROB KARDASHIAN  - No. I'm going home. I can't keep up with you, man. 



BRUCE JENNER - Don't tell your mother. I'll party with gangsters and have unprotected sex with known virus carriers, but Kris Jenner is where the real danger lies. 

ROB KARDASHIAN  - Promise you'll never act like this again. Go back to being yourself. 

BRUCE JENNER - Listen, Rob. This is "myself". Screw all you Kardashians. I'm starting anew. **slaps the ass of a fine honey manning the grill.** 

ROB KARDASHIAN  - Goodbye, Bruce. Forever.


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