Sunday, September 12, 2010

Keeping Up with the Kardashians - Botox and Cigarettes

Lesbian activist Bruce Jenner helps his step-daughter customize the perfect plastic surgery solution for her.

KRIS JENNER - Want to walk to the Chevron with me to pick up some smokes?

KIM KARDASHIAN- Can't. The early bird special at Canter's ends at 4 pm, and then my program is on at 7.

KRIS - Shit, bitch. You old. **blows cigarette smoke in Kim's face**

KIM - What?! No, I'm not! I happen to prefer food at discounted prices, and detective dramas on network television.

KRIS - And you sometimes have problems holding in your piss.

KIM - That's supposed to be a secret. Wait, you really think I'm getting old?

KRIS - Yep. You stink like split pea soup and decay.

KIM - Hmmm... Maybe I should get Botox. It's working out really well for Meg Ryan and her career.

BRUCE JENNER - **overhearing** Botox? Are you nuts??

KIM - What's wrong with Botox?

BRUCE - Honey, I didn't end up looking like a 68-year-old lesbian with just Botox. You gotta pull out all the stops.

KRIS - He's right. Hey, check this out. **pulls down her pants, puts the cigarette in her anus** My butt's smoking. Cool, huh?

KIM - Gross.

KRIS - You're gross, Betty White. And here I thought old chicks could have a sense of humor.

BRUCE - No, Kris. You really are gross.**shakes his head, three small woodland creatures fly out** Get back in there, guys! **three small woodland creatures climb back into Bruce's blow-out**

KIM - So what do you suggest, Bruce? Restylane? Juviderm?

KRIS - Fuck that pharmaceutical noise. **puts two lit cigarettes in her nostrils**

BRUCE - I hate to say it, but the ass-smoker is right. I'll break into Jiffy Lube late tonight and grab some auto grease to inject in your cheeks.

KIM - You'd do that for me, Daddy?

BRUCE - Bruce. It's Bruce. But yeah, I'll do it. Everyone should know how it feels to look this darned good.

KRIS - God damn it. I'm on fire again.

BRUCE - **dutifully dumps a bucket of water on Kris** I thought we talked about this.


  1. How about some ass action with Kris. Let some of Kim's black boyfriends cornhole her and Kim could suck the spunk from her mother's asshole.

  2. Now, now. This is a classy site.

  3. I would rather see mom suck a dozen loads of hot spunk out of Kim's ass then I would beat both of their bare asses with a thick leather strap.


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