Monday, September 13, 2010

Jersey Shore - "Sleeping with the Enemy"

Despite his smart-guy glasses, The Situation finds the concept of words difficult to grasp.

THE SITUATION - Accepting gifts from Jose, then hooking up with Vinny? You're a whore! 

ANGELINA - Um, HELLO?! Wouldn't a whore have sex with the person giving her gifts? 

THE SITUATION  - No, you got it all wrong.  The skanks we take home from the club and kick out? Whores. But the ladies I take to Olive Garden and THEN get to have sex with me? Classy ladies.

PAULY D - Wife those bitches up, forreal.

ANGELINA - So, lemme get this straight.  The ones who demand authentic Italian meals for moderate prices are ladies, and the ones who have sex with you for nothing are prostitutes?

THE SITUATION - Prostitutes? Who said anything about prostitutes?

PAULY D - Yeah... we're talkin' whoahs here! 

ANGELINA - A whore is the same thing, dumbass.

THE SITUATION -  I ain't never heard that, dog.

PAULY D - Me neither. You trippin', Trash Bags. 

THE SITUATION -  Next you're gonna tell me the Tooth Fairy is alive. The Tooth Fairy is dead. 

PAULY D - Damn shame, too. She was a nice lady. 

ANGELINA - Um, HELLO?! Dead and never existing are not the same thing!

THE SITUATION - Huh? The Tooth Fairy is dead, just like Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and Paul Newman are dead.

PAULY D -  Shit. I'm gettin' a little teary-eyed over here.

ANGELINA -  You know what? I'm a bartender with a GED and I could kill both of you on "Who's Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?".

THE SITUATION -  Oh yeah? Then answer me this. Where'd I get this bedazzled cross baseball cap?

ANGELINA - I don't frickin' know. Lids.

THE SITUATION - Haha, idiot. My mom made it.

ANGELINA - That's not general fifth grade knowledge!

THE SITUATION -Yeah, it is. My nephew's in fourth grade and he knows the answer.

PAULY D - Run and tell that, Jeff Foxworthy!

ANGELINA -You two are the stupidest pricks in the world.

THE SITUATION - Whatever. Whore.

PAULY D - Yeah. Whoah.

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