Friday, September 3, 2010

Jersey Shore Episode 5 - "Not So Shore"

Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola, doppelganger of national treasure Leah Remini, strives to keep shit classy.

 SAMMI - I wish you woulda tooawked to me first, Jenni. The note was a pussy move.

JWOWW - You're right. I shoulda tooawked to you.

SAMMI - I value your friendship.

JWOWW - Me too. And I like your extensions. They're real pretty.

SAMMI - Thanks. Your extensions are real pretty, too.

PAULY D - Wait, what? That's it? No fighting?

SAMMI - Yeah. We tooawked it out and put our issues behind us.

THE SITUATION - But what about the hair-pulling and breast-tweaking and and vadge-mangling? This is the worst girl-on-girl EVER.

VINNIE - Yeah! Where are all the wonderful things we'd expect from a good ol' fashioned South Beach rent-free televised catfight?

SAMMI - We are mature and classy.

JWOWW -  **puts a sign on Sammi's back that says "I HAVE LOU GHERINO'S DISEASE"** That's right. Calm and rational.

VINNIE - **whispers** I think you mean Lou Gherig's.

JWOWW - No, Lou Gherino from Bensonhurst. He started a mad pubic lice infestation all around Brooklyn and the inner-ring Long Island suburbs in 2006.

THE SITUATION - Now there's the JWoww I know and love.

SAMMI - Jenni, want to go check out the spring line at Wet Seal?

JWOWW - Fuck yes, girlfriend!

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