Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The Hills Episode 9 - " Break-Up to Make-Up"

Semi-hit wonder Ryan Cabrera won't have the opportunity to go "down, down, down" on Audrina Patridge any longer.


AUDRINA: Convict! Haha.

RYAN CABRERA: I don't get it.

See? This is what I mean. I don't think we mesh well together.

RYAN CABRERA: You don't think we mesh well together?

Right. When I'm the one making the jokes and the other person is the one giving me a vacant stare, we' re in trouble.

That's not what this is really about. It's that Johnson Boobie guy, isn't it?

AUDRINA: His name is Justin Bobby. And, yes, he's been showing up at awkward times to places he wasn't invited to. He's really trying.

: I can try, too!

AUDRINA: The bundt cake you made last week was more than enough.

RYAN CABRERA: I know! I'll sing to you. That's a surefire way to win you back! **clears throat** Ahem.
"Sick and tired of this world
there's no more air."

AUDRINA: That's very nice. Do you have any other songs? I feel like I've heard your marginally popular 2004 song "On the Way Down" a thousand times.

RYAN CABRERA: Oh. Um, yeah sure. How about this?

"Gooooin' nowhere.
No direction
And I took a dive, and-"

AUDRINA: Ryan? That's still the same song.

RYAN CABRERA: Yeah, but it perfectly captures how I'm feeling at this moment.
"on the waaaay doooown
I saw you
And you saved me
From myyyself
And I won't forget
The way you touched me."

AUDRINA: Damn it! Change it up!

RYAN CABRERA: I did! I took out the word "loved" and replaced it with "touched." It made everything sound totally different, right?

AUDRINA: One last chance. Sing something new, or I'm gone. Forever.

"Down, down, down
You're all I wanted
Down, down, down
You're all I neeeeeeded."

AUDRINA: See ya.

RYAN CABRERA: No, please don't go. This song... It's all I have. Joe Simpson wrote it back in the early Aughties, and there hasn't been anything new since. I'm a hack. A fraud. Puppy dog face.

AUDRINA: So all the spikes and jewels and double chins are just a front?

Yes. Deep down, I'm just an insecure chubby eight-year-old, struggling to get up the gym class rope.

AUDRINA: Well, we don't live in a world where chubby eight-year-olds get to fuck silicone blank-eyed hotties. Patridge out.

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