Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 7 - "Play At Your Own Risk"

Danielle Staub remembers the 1980s fondly.

At a Jersey strip joint...

DANIELLE STAUB: I don't know, guys... Its been 25 years. These long, thoroughbred legs don't wrap around the pole like they used to.

DANNY PROVENZANO: Aw, c'mon, Danielle!

DANIELLE: OK, twist my arm. Yo, DJ! Gimme a beat!

(The DJ puts on Warrant's "Cherry Pie".)

DANIELLE: Girls, the key to getting a novelty beer koozie with Spuds MacKenzie pictured sitting poolside is to engage.... Then suggest.

KIM G: Wow, a beer koozie?

DANIELLE: That's nothin'. Once, while I was doing the ol' scoot n' spread, an MCI exec put a pair of Blublockers down my G-string.

KIM G: The world of 80s stripping is filled with material treasures!

DANIELLE: Oh, not just material treasures, my AARP friend. Check out this. It's called the squirt n' squeal.

KIM G: I shoulda brought my rain coat.

DANIELLE: Harry Hamlin sure did, and he took me to Trader Vic's for a Mai Tai after.

KIM G: You could have been Lisa Rinna!

DANIELLE: That big-lipped bitch. Can she do THIS?

KIM G: Oh my. Probably not. Are you double jointed?

DANNY: Hey Danielle, do you remember that move you used to pull at Bada Bing in '87?

DANIELLE: Do I? Of course. A real crowd pleaser, until I got a citation for maiming pigeons. Let's see if I can work an updated version.... Hmmm, let me put this here, and stuff this one in there, and put this up that. And voila!

DANNY: You still got it, D!

DANIELLE: Where did everybody go?

DANNY: Kim G. started retching, and it became a chain reaction of sorts. It was probably the undercooked lettuce wraps at PF Chang's, and has nothing to do with what you just did on that pole.

DANIELLE: Amateurs. They probably couldn't even handle the stop, drop, and hole.

DANNY: Well, I liked it. Here, I got a little something for you.

DANIELLE: A Little Caesar's key chain? Aw. Let this be a lesson to young girls everywhere about the empowerment that lies in trying to please nasty old horndogs.

DANNY: You're a wise broad, D. A wise, wise, only slightly-decaying broad.

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