Tuesday, June 1, 2010

The Hills Episode 6 - "Ghost from the Past"

Justin Bobby, former Audrina paramour and drummer for the band Ed StanleY, shocks the MTV viewing audience by displaying what appears to be a semblance of talent.

Scene I
Outside the Viper Room....

LO: Wow, Justin Bobby, we had no idea you could drum like that! You're a regular Phil Collins!

JUSTIN BOBBY: Thanks for coming to see Ed StanleY. If you'll excuse me, I've got to get going to my second job.

AUDRINA: Second? Things have really changed since we used to hook up.

JUSTIN BOBBY: Oh, Audrina, it was so much more than hooking up. To me.

AUDRINA: **Gulp**

JUSTIN BOBBY: Yeah, I work down at Cedars Sinai fixing the cleft palates of orphans of rock stars who overdosed. Night shift. No big deal.

LO: You're a plastic surgeon and a rock star? You're a regular Dr. Rey!

JUSTIN BOBBY: Please. I'm just doing what I love.

AUDRINA: Justin Bobby, maybe we could get a drink tomorrow night. You know, to catch up.

JUSTIN BOBBY: Oh, I don't drink anymore, hun. When you're a pinch hitter for the San Diego Padres farm team, you've got to be in peak physical condition.

STEPHANIE: Baseball player, musician, doctor? You're a regular David Greenstein!

LO: Who?

STEPHANIE: He went to dental school with my dad. Great guy.

JUSTIN BOBBY: Well, this has been a fantastic chat. I've really got to run. Before the night shift at Cedars, I'm whipping up a quick batch of milk chocolate mousse with port ganache and crème fraîche for the homeless over on Skid Row.

LO: You know what? You seem really different from the Justin Bobby we used to know.

JUSTIN BOBBY: Yes. Its called being clean and sober and exploring all of your latent talents.

LO: No. Really different. Like, literally not the same person.

AUDRINA: **vacant stare**

LO: Don't get an attitude, Audrina. I mean it! He reminds me of this guy who plays Joan Rivers in the drag show at Imperial Palace.

STEPHANIE: What are you saying? That he's an impostor?

JUSTIN BOBBY: Ok, I guess the jig is up. Oh god, please don't tell anyone. I am an impostor.

AUDRINA: **vacant stare**

FAKE JUSTIN BOBBY: Oh, Audrina, I don't blame you for being so upset and emotional. I'm a celebrity impersonator who dabbles in the C-list on weekends. I do a pretty mean Justin Bobby, right?

LO: Amazing. All that's missing is the rotting flesh stench from too much impure cocaine.

FAKE JUSTIN BOBBY: I'm so sorry I misled you all, but practice makes perfect. If you want to talk to the real Justin Bobby, he's laying in a pile of his own filth there next to the dumpster.

REAL JUSTIN BOBBY: Bleaargh. Meooopheeee.

LO: Ew. I'm having major River Phoenix/Viper Room flashbacks. We'll stick with you instead, Fake Justin Bobby.

RYAN CABRERA: I'm back from my band's tour of rural Cambodia! The fans there were really appreciative, if you catch my - HEY! Why's my girlfriend making out with Justin Bobby?!

STEPHANIE: Don't worry, it's not really him.

RYAN CABRERA: Oh. Ok. Girl talk time, then. What's the hot new hair straightener on the market?

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