The Hills - Episode 6

Scene 1

KRISTIN: This is my "Lunch Sexy Face." Oooooh. Pout. Do me.


Scene 2

THERAPIST: To have or not have kids is something two people should discuss before they jump into marriage.

HEIDI: Who died and made you Frasier?

THERAPIST: I have a Masters in Psychology from UCLA.

HEIDI: Listen, Dr. Phil, MTV paid me fifty grand in hair extensions to have my wedding filmed for millions of people.

THERAPIST: But would you have done it for free?

HEIDI: Of course. It was filmed for millions of people. Are we done here, Newhart?

THERAPIST: Do you have any other fictional psychologists you want to call me as an insult?

HEIDI: Um... ... ...Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting?

THERAPIST: I'll take it. See you next week.


Scene 3

KRISTIN: This is my "Dinner Bitch Face." Grrrrr. Scowl. I'll cut you.


Scene 4

SPENCER: Thanks for making me a pot roast and giving me a BJ under the table while I ate it.

HEIDI: That's what wives do.

SPENCER: FYI, a BJ is the only sexual transaction we're going to have for ten years or so. Your shrink called to warn me about your little plan.

HEIDI: I can't believe Dr. Melfi violated our doctor-patient confidentiality!

SPENCER: You have Tony Soprano's doctor? Gnarly.

HEIDI: Well, we can still do other things that won't get me pregnant. Like, um, cunnilingus?

SPENCER: HAHAHAHAHA! Get real.


Scene 5

KRISTIN: This is my "Drinks Whiny Face." Boooo. Frown. Empathy, please.

STACIE THE BARTENDER: You're getting really good at emoting at meals.

KRISTIN: Drinks isn't a meal! No offense.

STACIE: It's ok. Pass me the Smirnoff. I'm hungry.


Scene 6

STACIE THE BARTENDER: (waking up from a three-day bender) Unnhh.... my... head... it hurts...

KRISTIN: You're not supposed to go on benders until you're actually billed in the opening credits. It takes attention away from the headliners.

STACIE THE BARTENDER: Whaa.... whaatt?

KRISTIN: Give it a few seasons. Anyway, I need to get out of town. Let's set the stage for a great travel caper episode.

STACIE THE BARTENDER: Are we going to get stuck in the Grand Canyon on mules and come across some weird Indian kids who'll bring us to safety?

KRISTIN: That was The Brady Bunch. And they're called Native Americans. You're not supposed to be racist until you get your own spin-off.