Monday, January 5, 2009

Rock of Love Bus - Premiere

Bret Michaels has really matured at the tender age of 45. In seasons past, he never would have eliminated a girl who put shots of alcohol in her cooter. At least not in the first round.

But on Rock of Love Bus, that's exactly who he sent home. Gia, who exposed her breasts on stage at a concert and allowed a heavily medicated female deejay to drink a milky beverage out of her va-jayj, seemed just as shocked as I was when Bret didn't give her a backstage pass.

No matter. There are about 12 other blond, tattooed, fake-breasted skanks left who are eager to assume the role of "most outrageous." Boy, to think that we thought Lacey was the craziest Rock of Lover at one point. These chicks are something else.

Thoughts about the season opener:
  • It's become painfully clear that Bret uses Restylane or another line-filler on his face.
  • His wig rivals that of one Kim Zolciak.
  • Bret didn't mention his daughters once. If a lady reality star did that? Wouldn't fly.
  • He's really reached Dirty Old Man status. I'm glad he's retiring after this season.

  • Nikki, the DJ who likes a cocktail of tequila and vaginal discharge, was unable to stand up straight throughout the show. She claims she only takes legal drugs.
  • Beverly seems cool, even though I agree with Ashley that her taste in footwear is questionable.
  • Ashley is a mega-bitch with bad eye makeup. Her song about Marcia's broken English was cruel.
  • Porn Star seemed a little too desperate to "settle down." I thought for sure Bret would boot her for that.
  • Taya, despite having been in Penthouse, seems to be the classiest bus passenger.

  • I think this show has a strict "One Black Girl Per Season" rule.
  • Were any of these women above 35? I'd love to see Bret matched with a women his own age.
  • Hate to say it, but the last two groups seemed like better people all around. Except for Megan Hauserman, of course.


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