The Bachelor - Episode 2

Blue Island Nikki is rockin' those sideburns. Not since Ashanti have I seen 'burns looks so nice on a woman.

I've never been to Blue Island, but I've heard it's kind of like the Gary of yesteryear. In other words, a place where blue-collar middle-age men fantasize what it would be like to bang a beauty queen, and not a place where beauty queens actually live. I have a hunch this 29-year old is living with Mom and Dad, which would explain her eagerness to move to Seattle.

Nikki is freakishly obsessed with the wife/mother role, and I think even Jason is beginning to tire of her relentless talk about being a mom. Perhaps her intense desire to take care of people might be better served by a career in child care or wiping old people's butts, rather than hardcore-pursuing a man with a son. She's clearly pissed at the other women who have interests outside of serving a husband and child.

Shannon has memorized every little fact about Jason. Self-awareness? What's that? You mean men are creeped out by women who know their life story without ever having met them? Jason plays it cool, but deep down he's imagining her hiding in the bushes outside his house and boiling Ty's pet bunny rabbit.

During some low-quality one-on-one time, Lauren gives Jason shit for not paying enough attention to her. She says that if he doesn't put the effort forth, she can't be sure he's interested. Excuse me, but last time I checked, this show is called The Bachelor, not The Lauren. Jason doesn't give a crap whether you think he's interested or not. You're supposed to impress him. Dumbass.

Erica, also known as Eliza Dushku's long-lost twin, is a shit-stirrer extraordinaire. I'm not even quite sure what her argument with Megan was about, but she seemed drunk and way out of line. If Jason saw the way she acted in the house, there's a good chance she would have been rose-less tonight. I'm also getting a major lesbian vibe from her. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Peace out, Sharon and Raquel. This should teach you to not quit your job to appear on a reality show, and to hide out in limos, respectively.

Previously on The Hills: The Bachelor - In Case You've Forgotten, Jason Has a Kid