The Hills - Mr. and Mrs. Pratt

I spent the weekend visiting New Orleans for the first time. The French Quarter is old, dignified, and teeming with culture. Until, that is, one encounters Bourbon Street. I enjoyed the $2 Bud Lights in a plastic cup from a souvenir t-shirt shop like any sane person would, but the thoroughfare is undeniably cheap and tawdry. It brings the entire Quarter down a slight notch.

Much like the Speidi union and the institution of marriage. But instead of a slight notch, it's, like... a big notch. It's worse than Trista and Ryan. Darver Conger and Rick Rockwell. Worse, even, than Peter Brady and Adrienne.

In short, this episode grossed me the fuck out. He wants to lock her in a dark dungeon and feed her scraps of pizza crust for the rest of their lives. She'll resist the crust, because, duh, it's fattening and keeping slim is the only way this prize will stick around forever. And the two of them really, really want us to see it as the greatest romance of our time. Hence the "Good morning, Mrs. Pratt/Mr. Pratt" morning-after greeting, and Heidi wearing anything white, ever. Yeah, we all saw the pregnancy scare episode in Season 2. Nice try. Virgin wannabes are almost as pathetic as actual virgins.

Whitney's moving away, Lauren is sad, blah blah blah. LC shouldn't worry too much about it. MTV starts casting for a replacement friend this month, and I'm sure she'll be equally capable of feigning interest in Lauren's life by asking open ended question after open ended question.
-Liz

Previously on The Hills: The Hills - Laying the Foundation for a Spin-Off
Previously on The Hills: The Hills - It's About Trust
Previously on The Hills: The Hills - You Did This