Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Hills- Thank God for Rules Against Nudity on Television

This was the episode I waited for all week? MTV has lured me in with false premises so many times, I don't know why I continue to fall for their antics. The Audrina-JustinBobby-Random Guy love triangle rates only slighly higher on the radar of love triangles than John Stamos-That Chick from "Bend It Like Beckham"- and the guy from "A Walk to Remember" on "ER". Both shows have overstayed their welcome. At least hook a brother up and give me a side shot of Lauren's right boob. Then I will consider continuing to watch this show.

The only storyline more painful to watch is Spuncer, Heidi and Holly. Can someone please tell Holly that her sister doesn't choose hoes over bros. It just doesn't happen. She is inexplicably in love with this ginormous bag of douche, and his flesh-colored beard. I have noticed that the beard is growing in darker, which means one of three things. Spuncer has either finally reached puberty, he is dying his facial hair with a $6 bottle of "Just for Men" purchased from Rite Aid, or he has been gorilla-masked by one of his "friends". The safe bet is on the gorilla masking, as Brody has very pube-like hair already. Replace that $6 bottle of "Just for Men" with a $2 bottle of "Elmer's Glue" from Michael's and the puzzle starts to come together.

Speaking of facial hair and douchebaggery, cuando and que did Brody, Frankie, Doug and the rest of the posse become such butt buddies with JustinBobby? I seem to remember a season 2 episode that involved Brody talking shit on JB. Apparently, all is cool in guy world now. Or they really need a douche-y equivalent to Spuncer to round out their group once Spuncer found himself friendless and permanently camped out in Heidiwood's (only 8 payments left) "hills".

What happened with Lo this week? She was gone. When Audrina and Cory were hanging out in the kitchen after what one can only expect was a night of passionless sex filled with blank stares, I expected Lo to provide the snarky commentary.

With that said, I have never been more thankful for TV's self-censorship, that prevented me from seeing any part(s) of JustinBobby. Don't let it happen MTV.


  1. AMEN to the JustinBobby-Brody-Frankie love fest! I was equally confused. I guess the producers had to find another way to keep J.B. around if they couldn't manage to force Audrina to stay with him. When in doubt, blame the producers.

    I don't know what Gorilla Masking is, and I'm not about to Google it at work.

  2. I don't know what it means either but I think i have a REAL good idea.

  3. Though a little off topic, I would like to go on the record and say ShePratt is a complete idiot. In addition to her hampster comment, she made a comment on The Hills Aftershow by saying that if Spencer talked to his dad how he talked to Heidi's mom, his dad would say "you're going to Tokyo." Uh, what?

  4. You know... Tokyo. Where parents send their Aryan adult children when they sass them.

  5. I'd recommend getting on urbandictionary.com when you're at home and taking a look at the definitely for Gorilla Mask... classic.

  6. Not me. My parents use my computer when they come over!


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