Nev meets his partner for the episode...
NEV SCHULMAN - I'm going to be honest. When production told me you were this episode's partner, I had to google you.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - When my agent told me I was going to be on Catfish, I had to google it to confirm it's still on the air.
NEV SCHULMAN - Fair.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - So where's the Silver Fox?
NEV SCHULMAN - Huh?
KAMIE CRAWFORD - The gray haired dude. Mel, or whatever.
NEV SCHULMAN - I don't know who you're talking about.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - Nev, it's ok. **hugs him** Let it out.
NEV SCHULMAN - **weeps** It's... so... hard.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - He's always around. In your heart.
NEV SCHULMAN - You're really wise, for someone in your twenties. I mean, I'm in my twenties, too, but, like, later than you twenties.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - You sure play fast and loose with the definition of a decade.
NEV SCHULMAN - 39 is the new 27.
They sit down at the Value Inn in Bellflower, California...
NEV SCHULMAN - So, today we got a message from a friend of a friend of a friend of someone named Red.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - Chick's got a lot of friends.
NEV SCHULMAN - Once you see her scarlet track suit, you'll see why. **shows pic**
KAMIE CRAWFORD - Ok, that's fly.
NEV SCHULMAN - Red is in love with Tamar Braxton.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - Wait. **looks at the email** It says here she's in love with Tamar Braxton's hairstylist.
NEV SCHULMAN - What?! We're really scooping the bottom of the instagram barrel here. Can't we at least get JLaw's cobbler?
KAMIE CRAWFORD - **shows a pic of Tamar's hair**
NEV SCHULMAN - Ah, ok. That hairstylist deserves all the poon she wants.
They meet up with Red at a salon...
HAIRSTYLIST - Hello. I'm Toni Braxton's hairstylist.
NEV SCHULMAN - We have it on good authority that you're Catfishing my friend here.
HAIRSTYLIST - **sees Kami** Well, HELLO.
NEV SCHULMAN - No, not her. Her. **points to Red**
RED - Hi.
HAIRSTYLIST - Not now, not ever.
NEV SCHULMAN - Ouch.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - Nev, this is Toni's hairstylist. We're looking for Tamar's.
NEV SCHULMAN - This is all falling apart. I need Max.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - Breathe, buddy. Just breathe.
Back at the Bellflower Value Inn...
NEV SCHULMAN - Time for our extensive internet research. First, I am going to go to www.Google.com.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - High level stuff, right here.
NEV SCHULMAN - Then, I'm going to type: "Tamar Braxton" in quotes, with the word "hairstylist."
KAMIE CRAWFORD - Christ. We're going to be here all night.
NEV SCHULMAN - Next, I click control, c.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN PHONE. **dials Tamar's friend Shekina, talks for a minute** Uh huh. So you've never talked to a lesbian named Red? But you know who did, and it's a woman named Ashley Taylor in Austin, TX. You're the best! **hangs up** Found the Catfish.
NEV SCHULMAN - You've got a lot to learn about drawing out a story for entertainment.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - Trust me, nobody was entertained.
NEV SCHULMAN - **starts to cry**
KAMIE CRAWFORD - Oh, fuck. I'm sorry, bro.
Red, Nev, and Kamie prepare to meet Ashley in a public park...
NEV SCHULMAN - Ready to meet Ms. Ashley Taylor?
RED - I'm in my scarlet track suit. Duh.
ASHLEY TAYLOR - Hey, fuckers.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - You kiss your mother with that mouth?
ASHLEY TAYLOR - MY MOTHER NEEDS ROUND THE CLOCK HOME CARE, YOU CUNT.
NEV SCHULMAN - Well, this is going well.
They follow up with Ashley a few months later via Skype...
NEV SCHULMAN - Have you come out of the closet yet?
ASHLEY TAYLOR - Halfway.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - Good for you. That's 50% more than Nev.
NEV SCHULMAN - What about your 13,000 fake profiles?
ASHLEY TAYLOR - I now have 13,000 real profiles, that each deal with a distinct aspect of my personality.
KAMIE CRAWFORD - That's a... lot of aspects.
ASHLEY TAYLOR - #10,343 is called "I was married and bored."
NEV SCHULMAN - Like the majority of people hanging out on the internet.
ASHLEY TAYLOR - Bro, the sadness of losing your best friend is, like, seeping out of your pores.
NEV SCHULMAN - **eyes well up**
KAMIE CRAWFORD - Nev.
NEV SCHULMAN - Sorry. I thought it would start to get easier.
THE END.
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