Thursday, March 19, 2015

Catfish: The TV Show: Season 4, Episode 4 - "Daisy and Marcus"

Tyler Oakley

At the Courtyard by Marriott Hotel & Suites...

NEV SCHULMAN - Who the eff thought the kid from Jerry Maguire would make a good co-host?

LGBT ACTIVIST TYLER OAKLEY - I'm actually a "youtube sensation".

NEV SCHULMAN - So is Antoine Dodson, and he's dead now.

TYLER OAKLEY - It gets better, Nev.

NEV SCHULMAN - It fucking better get better. God damn it, I hope Zac Efron has a stroke so Max can come back.

Nev and Tyler meet Daisy in North Carolina...

DAISY - You feelin' my hair? It's like Pink.

TYLER OAKLEY - Funny, that's what I always say about my b-hole.

NEV SCHULMAN - Ok, I can't do this.

TYLER OAKLEY - Go clutch your pearls elsewhere. You have a tramp stamp.


DAISY - Can you guys help me meet Marcus? My immigrant mother spent her entire paycheck on Etsy gifts for him, and she wants to make sure he's real.

TYLER OAKLEY - Let's see a picture of him.

DAISY - Here he is making out with his cousin Julius.

NEV SCHULMAN - Hmmm... not really good-looking enough to be fake.

Nev talks to the whole Daisy Family...

NEV SCHULMAN - So, Mrs. Daisy, what do you think about your daughter's virtual relationship with Marcus?

DAISY'S MOM - My dear late husband had an aneurysm-slash-stroke, and now I gotta deal with this stupid shit.

DAISY - Mom, you never support me!

DAISY'S MOM - I actually support every breath you take, you jobless cunt.

TYLER OAKLEY - Hey now, hey. Let's take it easy.

NEV SCHULMAN - But not too easy. This is pretty great footage.

Nev and Tyler show Daisy their research findings...

NEV SCHULMAN - I was convinced Marcus was actually a woman. I can spot a weak Adam's Apple from a mile away.

DAISY - Oh god...

TYLER OAKLEY - What are you "oh god"-ing about? You've fucked, like, 7 chicks.

DAISY - You're right. Just trying to ramp up the drama a little bit.

NEV SCHULMAN - But we think he's real. He called us to say he doesn't want to appear on camera and ruin his employment prospects at Skyline Chili.

DAISY - Can we just go to Cincinnati and confront him?

NEV SCHULMAN - I dunno.... last time we went to Cincinnati I was made a fool of by a fat Kelly Price.

At a park in Cincinnati...

NEV SCHULMAN - Marcus decided he'll be on the show. He doesn't like that they put cinnamon in their chili, anyway.

MARCUS - **approaches** Sup.

DAISY - It's really you!

MARCUS - Yep. Got any Etsy stuff for me today?

DAISY - Sorry - my mom shut down her account.

MARCUS - Damn.  I thought we coulda had a future.

NEV SCHULMAN - Oh well. I hope this is a lesson to you, Daisy.

DAISY - Next time, I'll just steal the money from my mom when she's sleeping.

NEV SCHULMAN - Good girl.

The End.

No comments:

Post a Comment

web statistics
Wall Street Journal