Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Vanderpump Rules Recap, Episode 17 - "Jax Cracks"

Kristen Doute

James and Kristen make amends...

JAMES KENNEDY - I'm sorry for calling you a psycho slut in front of your trainer while he smoked cigarettes and looked bored.

KRISTEN DOUTE - I'm sorry, too. I should be more on the DL when obsessing over my ex-boyfriend.

JAMES KENNEDY - I love you, Kristen.


Kristen invites Stassi to lunch...

STASSI SCHROEDER - I'll have the egg salad.

KRISTEN DOUTE - Bold choice.

STASSI SCHROEDER - Leaving the house without under eye concealer was also a bold choice.

KRISTEN DOUTE - I can't sleep at night, Stassi. Visions of sweet redemption keep floating through my head.

STASSI SCHROEDER -  As someone who once threatened you with a dildo dipped in acid, I recommend letting this whole thing go.

KRISTEN DOUTE - Letting it go? But I don't work at SUR anymore. What would my storyline be?

STASSI SCHROEDER -  Don't ask me. I'll be lucky if I even make it onto the finale.

Peter and Stassi meet for drinks...

PETER MADRIGAL -  Did you invite me here to have ex-sex?

STASSI SCHROEDER -  No. I just use you to feed me gossip and look at my weight-gain boobs.

PETER MADRIGAL - **looks at her boobs**

STASSI SCHROEDER - I have a boyfriend, Peter.

PETER MADRIGAL - Really? Where has he been?


PETER MADRIGAL - Where in Canada?

STASSI SCHROEDER -  Um... Saskatchewan.

Kristen holds court at a dinner gathering...

KRISTEN DOUTE - I've gathered you all here today to discuss Tom and Ariana's relationship.

SCHEANA MARIE SHAY - How dare you invite us to a dinner THE WEEK AFTER MY WEDDING.

SHAY - Yeah!

SCHEANA MARIE SHAY - Stop talking.

SHAY -  Ok.

KRISTEN DOUTE - Jax, admit it. Admit Tom slept with Miami Girl.

JAX TAYLOR - Fine. Tom slept with Miami Girl. Can we order now?

KRISTEN DOUTE - VICTORY IS MINE! **runs around the table with her arms over her head**

JAX TAYLOR - I'll have the bleu cheese bison burger. **closes menu**

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