Monday, September 29, 2014

Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 11 - "Gators and Haters"

The Marcheses.

After Amber's cancer testing, she and Jim pack for Flahrida...

JIM MARCHESE - Don't say anything about Rino and Santa freaking all night long until the sun comes up to the sounds of Billy Ocean while we're in Boca Raton, ok?

AMBER MARCHESE - Who ever said they were freaking all night long until the sun came up to the sounds of Billy Ocean?

JIM MARCHESE - Let a man have his fantasies, Amber.

AMBER MARCHESE - I won't say a word. But I might beg you loudly not to tell anyone what you know about their family, making everyone wonder what you know about their family.

JIM MARCHESE - I think that's a mature, reasonable way to handle the situation.

Amber and Jim arrive at the house in Boca, while the gang plays a game...


EVERYBODY - Jenga, Jenga, Jenga.


MELISSA GORGA - Push it lightly, Teresa!

JOE GORGA - That's what she said!

DINA MANZO - Hahahaha.

EVERYBODY - Jenga! Jenga! 

AMBER MARCHESE - Must be some game of Jenga for them to not even notice a lady who just tested negative for The Cancer®

JOE GORGA - Oh, hey, you guys.

JIM MARCHESE - Finally. I guess you "bros" didn't get the memo that real men accept responsibility and greet people when they enter a room.

NICOLE NAPOLITANO - Did you hear that, Bobby? Real men accept responsibility.

JIM MARCHESE - Yep. A MAN says please and will propose to a woman whose middle name he's still not certain is Jane or June.

NICOLE NAPOLITANO - I totally agree. 

BOBBY CIASULLI - I don't need to listen to this garbage. I'm locking myself in the toilet with a bottle of lube.

TERESA APREA - You mean bottle of Belvedere.

BOBBY CIASULLI - You call it whatever you want to call it.

At Uncle Pete Giuidice's house...

MILANIA GIUDICE - I'm gonna have sex with 30 boys by the time I'm 16!

JOE GIUDICE - So what. Who cares. **playfully tickles Milania**

TERESA GIUDICE - And for you, sweetie... a huge plate of pasta!

JOE GIUDICE - So what. Who cares. **digs in eagerly**

PETE GIUDICE - Hey, dumb ass! What are you doing not serving the oldest man in the family first! 

FILOMENA GIUDICE - For shame, cunt!

TERESA GIUDICE - Sorry. When I'm serving the men at someone else's house I sometimes get confused.

FRANK GIUDICE - Stupid bitch, with no respect! Anyway, I want to give a speech about the importance of family, tradition, and love.

JOE GIUDICE -  So what. Who cares. **starts to cry**

PETE GIUDICE - Aw, Joe. It'll be ok.  Just write us in jail between ass poundings. 

TERESA GIUDICE - How about some tiramisu I made, aka from Wegman's?

JOE GIUDICE - So what. Who cares. **lights up at the sight of the tiramisu**

At the Wakile household...

KATHY WAKILE - Bad news. Jacqueline turned Asian and her son still has autism.

ROSIE PIERRI - That sucks. But on the flip side - I'M SINGLE NOW! **shakes her boobs**

RICH WAKILE - What happened with you and the one other out lesbian in Northern New Jersey?

ROSIE PIERRI - She didn't like that I still live with my mother at 52 years old.

KATHY WAKILE -Well, that's how it's done in our family. Right, Joseph?

JOSEPH WAKILE - **slinks under the table**

RICH WAKILE - Well, I'd like to propose a toast. To Kevin Jonas. May he always find a way to appear on reality television.



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