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| Ryan Vieth |
Tamra and her son meet to discuss their body issues...
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - I don't want to get old, so I've consulted a doctor who will freeze my vagina to maintain its 43-year-old youthfulness.
RYAN VIETH - Exactly the conversation a Bro To The Max™ wants to have with his mother.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Hey, man, you're the one who came to me when you started growing tits.
RYAN VIETH - Oh yeah, that reminds me. I do drugs I find in parking lots.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Great, this means I'm going to have to see your father again when you undergo another breast reduction surgery.
RYAN VIETH - Pretty much.
Shannon opens the door to welcome Lizzie and Danielle to their makeup lesson...
LIZZIE ROVSEK - Hey, thanks for having us, you have a beauti - WHOA.
SHANNON BEADOR - What?
DANIELLE GREGORIO - Holy shit.
SHANNON BEADOR - Girls, what's wrong?
LIZZIE ROVSEK - You just look, um, different, without make-up.
DANIELLE GREGORIO - More... natural!
LIZZIE ROVSEK - Yes. Natural.
SHANNON BEADOR - If you think I look like shit now, you should have seen me before I got my nose and chin done. **shows Before pic**
LIZZIE ROVSEK - Phew, she knows.
DANIELLE GREGORIO - Thank god. **rides in an elevator**
Vicki eats dinner with Briana and Ryan in Oklahoma...
VICKI GUNVALSON - Well, I'm so thankful you both invited me to look at slapped-together McMansions in this barren wasteland.
RYAN CULBERSON - I didn't invite you. This is MY family.
VICKI GUNVALSON - Looks like somebody didn't learn his lesson from the Foot On Couch Disaster of 2012.
RYAN CULBERSON - Briana's job is to follow me around while I do my job, which is to serve in the United States Marines. The most important job in the world. I AM IN CHARGE.
VICKI GUNVALSON - **to Briana** You don't have to do this. You can always come live in the garage with Donn.
BRIANA CULBERSON - It's too late to turn back now, unfortunately. **bites into lamb testicle**
Heather and Shannon meet up for lunch...
HEATHER DUBROW - I've got to keep my phone nearby, in case the kids call or in case I pretend that they called so I can make a quick getaway.
SHANNON BEADOR - I brought you a copy of my family Christmas card. We all wore black.
HEATHER DUBROW - Oh, what a coincidence. WE all wore black.
SHANNON BEADOR - Well. Isn't that interesting.
**awkward silence**
HEATHER DUBROW - Don't think that just because you're the only other not-trashy cast member that we're on the same level. We're not.
SHANNON BEADOR - You're damn right we're not. I have an elevator in my house.
HEATHER DUBROW - **dials phone** Terry, call the architect and tell him to draw up plans for FIVE ELEVATORS. ** hangs up** Hmph.
To be continued....
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