Tuesday, June 3, 2014

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 7 - "Choke-Lahoma"

Ryan Vieth

Tamra and her son meet to discuss their body issues...

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - I don't want to get old, so I've consulted a doctor who will freeze my vagina to maintain its 43-year-old youthfulness.

RYAN VIETH - Exactly the conversation a Bro To The Max wants to have with his mother.

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Hey, man, you're the one who came to me when you started growing tits.

RYAN VIETH - Oh yeah, that reminds me. I do drugs I find in parking lots.

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Great, this means I'm going to have to see your father again when you undergo another breast reduction surgery.

RYAN VIETH - Pretty much.

Shannon opens the door to welcome Lizzie and Danielle to their makeup lesson...

LIZZIE ROVSEK - Hey, thanks for having us, you have a beauti - WHOA.


SHANNON BEADOR - Girls, what's wrong?

LIZZIE ROVSEK  - You just look, um, different, without make-up.

DANIELLE GREGORIO - More... natural!

LIZZIE ROVSEK - Yes. Natural.

SHANNON BEADOR - If you think I look like shit now, you should have seen me before I got my nose and chin done. **shows Before pic**

LIZZIE ROVSEK - Phew, she knows.

DANIELLE GREGORIO - Thank god. **rides in an elevator**

Vicki eats dinner with Briana and Ryan in Oklahoma...

VICKI GUNVALSON - Well, I'm so thankful you both invited me to look at slapped-together McMansions in this barren wasteland.

RYAN CULBERSON - I didn't invite you. This is MY family.

VICKI GUNVALSON - Looks like somebody didn't learn his lesson from the Foot On Couch Disaster of 2012.

RYAN CULBERSON - Briana's job is to follow me around while I do my job, which is to serve in the United States Marines. The most important job in the world. I AM IN CHARGE.

VICKI GUNVALSON - **to Briana** You don't have to do this. You can always come live in the garage with Donn.

BRIANA CULBERSON - It's too late to turn back now, unfortunately. **bites into lamb testicle**

Heather and Shannon meet up for lunch...

HEATHER DUBROW - I've got to keep my phone nearby, in case the kids call or in case I pretend that they called so I can make a quick getaway.

SHANNON BEADOR - I brought you a copy of my family Christmas card. We all wore black.

HEATHER DUBROW - Oh, what a coincidence. WE all wore black.

SHANNON BEADOR -  Well. Isn't that interesting.

**awkward silence**

HEATHER DUBROW - Don't think that just because you're the only other not-trashy cast member that we're on the same level. We're not.

SHANNON BEADOR -  You're damn right we're not. I have an elevator in my house.

HEATHER DUBROW - **dials phone** Terry, call the architect and tell him to draw up plans for FIVE ELEVATORS. ** hangs up** Hmph.

To be continued....

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