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| Carole Radziwill |
Carole invites Heather to her photo shoot...
CAROLE RADZIWILL - Heather! I'm so glad you could take time out of your muffin top-cinching schedule to watch someone take my photo.
HEATHER THOMSON - Anything for a horse.
PHOTOGRAPHER - Miss? Please look at the camera.
HEATHER THOMSON - Now Carole, flip your hair over your shoulder and really show off that sunken collar bone.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - Like this?
HEATHER THOMSON - Oh yeah.
PHOTOGRAPHER - Please look here. **gently pushes Heather with her hip**
HEATHER THOMSON - Now bend over and show us what you're not working with.
PHOTOGRAPHER - Do not bend over. At all.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - So many prompts! It's like a night at the Marriott with Russ.
HEATHER THOMSON - Now stick those veneers out and neiiigh.
PHOTOGRAPHER - Excuse me. I am the photographer. Not you.
HEATHER THOMSON - Excuse me. I worked with Puffy!
PHOTOGRAPHER - Nobody has called him Puffy in over ten years.
HEATHER THOMSON - Shut up
Kristen and her husband meet for apps...
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - You're late. My time is just as valuable as yours, you know.
JOSH TAEKMAN - Except my time makes us millions of dollars. Your time costs us millions of dollars.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Ebay's really upped my game. **flashes her bracelet made with real strands of Elvis's pubes**
JOSH TAEKMAN - Man, Kingsley and Cash were such a mistake.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Their names, or actually having them?
JOSH TAEKMAN - Both.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Finally, something we can agree on.
JOSH TAEKMAN - Oh, I bought you some earrings. In exchange, maybe you can ess my dee every now and then.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - I thought that's what we hired a nanny for.
JOSH TAEKMAN - Variety is the spice of life.
Ramona and Kristen arrive at Sonja's basement house for tea...
INTERN - Tunafish sandwich?
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Thank you. This is quite a basement next to a parking garage you have here!
RAMONA SINGER - She's just an intern. You can ignore them like I do.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Oh. **hundreds of interns stare at them from against walls**
RAMONA SINGER - Sonja! We're here!
INTERN - Miss Morgan is having her crack waxed by an unpaid intern.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Is this even legal?
SONJA MORGAN - Oh, hello! Sorry I'm late. I was having my crack -
RAMONA SINGER - Waxed by an unpaid intern. We heard.
SONJA MORGAN - I pay them in experience.
MINISTER LADY - The universe is a bundle of experiential experiences from which we can glean deeper profound meaning.
SONJA MORGAN - Who let this nut in here?
RAMONA SINGER - I thought she was your friend?
SONJA MORGAN - Never seen her in my life. Intern, remove it! **intern escorts the minister off the property** So, Aviva is ready to be friends.
RAMONA SINGER - I'll be friends when her leg grows back.
SONJA MORGAN - She's really trying! Haven't you ever heard of second chances?
RAMONA SINGER - No! Fuck her!
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - **yawns** Intern person? Can you fill this tea cup with Malört?
Aviva and Ramona meet up to mend fences...
AVIVA DRESCHER - I noticed at the party how beautiful you looked.
RAMONA SINGER - Are you sucking on my ass? You're sucking on my ass.
AVIVA DRESCHER - No! I would never, um, "suck on your ass." Tequila shot?
RAMONA SINGER - What? You drink now?
AVIVA DRESCHER - Oh, yes. I'm a party girl, in a party world.
IMAGE CONSULTANT - **whispers in Aviva's ear** You're doing great. Now make an off-color joke about swallowing.
AVIVA DRESCHER - I love to swallow!
IMAGE CONSULTANT - Not the best, but I've heard worse.
THE END.
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